I Just Said The Weirdest Prayer

I just prayed for a bunch of people I don't know who post on ESPN's website.  How weird is that?

A good friend sent me an email the other day about a letter Shannon Stone's mother had written to Josh Hamilton encouraging him to continue tossing foul balls to fans in the stands.  (Story)  I saw it again on ESPN today and re-read and then started reading some of the responses and just started getting mad.  People writing rude things about how the mother's name is spelled, about the son, about faith, etc.  I realized I was having the response that evil would want me to have so I stopped and prayed for all the posters who wrote something rude, prayed that somehow their hearts would be touched by grace and mercy and love. 

It's weird praying for strangers who are mean but I already feel better having chosen prayer over anger.  I might try it again one day.

Grace and peace to you.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to one and all.  Today is a day of reflecting on the greatest gift, Jesus.

Grace and peace to you.

It Should All Be Fun and Games

What a night.  I was supposed to leave work early to meet some missionaries for dinner but stayed late helping an employee and friend through a small minefield.  I was going to go home for a nice dinner and watch a movie and relax (which I still accomplished) but it was between texts and phone calls with one friend who's dad was in the ER for chest pains and another friend who was dealing with two children who were making bad decisions and paying the consequences for them. 

Oh, how my heart hurts for these people, for the pain and stress of what these issues are bringing them at a time that is supposed to be filled with joy. 

I can't help but to go to Ephesians 6 over and over, never more than last night.

Lord, come quickly.  In the meantime, keep my friends strong and give me the wisdom to help how I can.  And, if I can ask this, thump the enemy on his head really, really hard.

Grace and peace to you.

Christmas Already?

It seems like Christmas is a month away.  At least that's what it seems like when I look at the presents I've bought compared with what I need at this late date.  It's looking like I'll just be giving Christmas cheer this year! 

Lyle Lovett at Bass Hall.  It's a great way to spend a pre-holiday night and made a fabulous Christmas present to myself.  Next up...Robert Earl Keen, Jr. on December 30. 

I haven't been to my church on Sunday in 5 weeks.  Time flies by.  Places to be, things to be done.  Time with friends, family and work have kept me on the go.  I miss it.  I miss seeing some of my brothers who lift me up and give me strength.  I miss singing some wonderful songs of praise and hymns that stir my heart.  I miss hearing a challenge or thought from Rick that causes me to take time to reflect on God.  

I'm looking forward to Sunday.  To being back with the body, with my family worshipping the great I AM.

Grace and peace to you.

The Hard Days

December 17 is a hard day.  A day with bad memories.  It comes just shortly before Christmas, a time that is supposed to be a happy time, a celebratory time...and yet the days leading up to Christmas are hard days.  

How is one supposed to get through hard days?  How am I supposed to get through hard days with a smile of my face and a spring in my step?  The easy answer is Jesus, the son of God who has suffered more than any other human but the easy answer doesn't immediately make me feel warm and fuzzy.  

This I know.  The hard days move into history and my hope is that in the days to come, on the December 17th's that will follow, the days will be easier and the pain will lessen.  I do trust in God to bring healing.  December 17 will never be a day of great happiness for what has happened in this world but I know in my head that there can still be joy for what is to come.  I look forward from that knowledge moving from my head to my heart.

Grace and peace to you.

Las Vegas

I recently spent roughly ten days in Las Vegas and I come away amazed at what goes on in that town each time.  The money spent.  The alcohol consumed.  The scantily-clad dancers in the middle of casinos and the who-knows-how-clad dancers in other places.  The smoke.  The noise.  It's sensory overload.

All in all, I had a good ten days there.  There is so much to create temptation after temptation and short of staying up too late and donating my $100 to the craps table (when I was up $50 and knew I should walk away), I survived it relatively unscathed. 

I had seen a t-shirt before I left town playing on Vegas' tag line that said, "what happens in Vegas is revealed in heaven."  So true. 

I listened to Rob Bell's Love Wins book on the way home and kept wondering what God will say to all the folks that make Las Vegas what it is when they meet him.  No answers, just questions.  (And possibly more on Bell's book later.)

It was a good run for our company in Las Vegas but I'm glad to be out of there, glad I didn't do anything I would be regretting today and glad I don't have to be surrounded by that all the time. 

Grace and peace to you.

The Challenge

Life.  It's a challenge.  I have good days and bad days but what about all the days in between?  What about the average days?  the sick days?  the blah days where I just don't feel sharp?  What am I going to do with them?  It's those days I have to keep my eyes open and trust God will use me.

Last night, I'm sitting in my office way past the time I wanted to go when a friend calls to say her marriage is in crisis and she doesn't know what to do.  It's in those times that I hear God say, "here's your opportunity today".  Oh, how I hurt for my friend and her husband right now.  I hope my words were of some comfort and I hope the prayer we prayed on the phone and the prayers in days to come will drive away the enemy of peace and joy and love so that God will reign in the hearts of these two people and in their marriage. 

I'm glad she called because I've allowed myself to get too busy, too involved, too physically and emotionally exhausted and I'm failing in keeping my walk one where I am pursuing God.  Thankfully, he sends reminders my way to help me renew my focus.

Grace and peace to you.

Lessons From The Road

Last Wednesday, I took off with a good friend on a little road trip to Las Vegas.  It's a work trip and I was driving one of our dealership's Freightliners and pulling a really nice Cimmaron living quarters trailer.  I knew it was a bad sign when we had to stop before getting out of Wise County because someone forgot to put something on the trailer.  It's so easy to turn a 10 hour drive into a 14 hour drive.

Driving across parts of New Mexico and Arizona, it's easy to see the poverty that exists around us.  Houses that look like no more than plywood on dirt covered lots.  Travel trailers that would come apart if you hooked it up to a truck are homes for families.

As I consider buying a house, I'm caught between what "seems" normal in my world and what is necessary when I consider God's creation.  Oh for a few more square feet when people are living in houses that may fall apart.  I can't help but wonder if my rationalization for more house (I'll use it for small groups/youth groups/yada-yada) isn't just that - rationalization.  At the same time I realize money and more of this or that won't change everyone's life and those people may prefer to do whatever it is they do to make that their home.  Still, my heart won't quit hurting knowing there are people out there that life, circumstances, bad decisions and the hurt of other people have pushed them down to a point of suffering that I can't comprehend. 

I look forward to the day we are all dancing with God in his palace.

Grace and peace to you.

P.S.  Dancing is metaphorical.  I'm not sure everyone will have rythym in heaven and I'd still rather be fishing than dancing.

My Office, Part 2

God, thank you for using me and allowing me to minister in your kingdom.  Thank you for making my workplace a place where I can help others and to share the lessons on my pain and of my victories so that they might find peace, healing and reconciliation with you and with those they love. 

Grace and peace to you.

My Office

On November 14th, a female employee walked in my office, sat down and proceeded to tell me how and why her family was about to be evicted from their home.  It's a sad story and one where satan's attacks are all to evident.  The attempt to destroy and tear down is hard to hear, harder to watch. 

I'm thankful for the opportunity to sit in an office for an employer where people can walk in, sit down, pour out their hearts and I can often get them help that they need in some form.  Ministry happens in all sorts of places and I thank God for using me in unusual circumstances to be a part of his kingdom.

Grace and peace to you.

Silence is Golden

When I speak, God can hear me.

When I am silent, I can hear God.

Grace and peace to you.

Surrender

Today I am thankful for surrender. 

Sunday, I spoke for our communion focus at church and shared the idea of surrender as seen through my eyes. 

It's not a word most people use often or like very much.  The idea of turning power, control and authority over to another isn't something that naturally appeals to most people, certainly not me.  Most of my life has been in battle, my will versus God's desire for me, my control of my life or his control of my life.  I fought valiantly and always thought I could win the battle, retain control, have the power...but I lost.  I finally gave in, I finally waved the white flag, I finally submitted to a force that was greater than me. 

In Matthew's account of Jesus' death, I find these words in chapter 27, verses 50-52:
⁵⁰ And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
 ⁵¹ At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split ⁵² and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. [emphasis mine]

I remember when I gave up my spirit.  I felt the foundation underneath me shake and I knew something greater than me was in control and I have felt it time and again after going back into battle for my will.  Oh, I surrender much faster now because I know the battle won't be won and the power of God is greater and stronger and more steadfast than anything I would muster...or hope to.

My victory has been found in my surrender.  My triumph is evident when I lay my battle down and submit to the Lord, the creator and the savior.  I became a victor when I surrendered to the power of the sacrifice on the cross and the resurrection from the dead by Jesus Christ. 

Today, I am thankful for surrender.  Thankful that Jesus gave up his spirit, thankful that I made the decision to give up mine too.

Grace and peace to you.

Keeping Christ in Christmas?

The new Target ads for Black Friday are a beating and, for me, illuminate all the negative about what Christmas has become for so many in this country.  The commercial depicts a lady in hysterics about the opening of Target at 4:00 AM or whatever crazy time they throw the doors open.  Now, full disclosure requires me to tell you that I make a living in the retail industry and that Black Friday is a BIG day for my company but it doesn't mean I like what drives it.  I suppose it's not really all the shopping and ridiculous spending that I have been a part of in my life as much as it's the spirit of which I hear things and see things, in others and in myself, that irritate me.

On Facebook and so many other places, I will begin to see people writing "Keep Christ in Christmas".  Now, I'm all for it if they are all keeping Christ in Christmas and this is what it would look like to me.  Money being spent lavishly on the hurting, homeless, drug-addicted, porn fueled broken people that are so easy to find all around us.  Money being spent lavishly on people in third-world countries (another term I'd like to find a better replacement for), being sent to Christian Relief Fund, Charity Water, Mision Para Cristo and other worthy organizations. 

How many toys can I have?  Heaven knows I have asked for and gladly accepted more than I could ever use or need and I have done the same thing with my kids at times.  I thank God I and they are in a place now where a couple of gifts is enough (still more than we need) and I can send money to help others...or better yet, I can keep Christ in Christmas by serving with my time and with my heart. 

Grace and peace to you.

MANA

I was watching World News Tonight Sunday evening and they did a story on the peanut butter meals provided by organizations like MANA and UNICEF.  I like MANA because I believe they are trying to do more than simply feed the physical but it where they start and something that is urgently needed in parts of the world.

I was blessed recently to be asked by a friend to speak at her business periodically to some of her managers.  It's something I love doing and I told her I would do it and didn't want to be paid.  This friend can be insistent so I told her I would do it if she made a donation to a charity I would suggest each time we met and she agreed.  Cool deal all the way around.  So, my first charity was MANA and I hope she and I can work together to help fund many more good efforts in the future.  

I'd encourage you to donate also.  MANA

Grace and peace to you.

JoePa's Condemnation

One guy is alleged to have assaulted multiple kids and another guy is getting all the publicity as the bad guy.  It's just wrong.

First, let me say it doesn't seem Joe Paterno did the right thing from what I have heard.  That's something he'll have to live with the rest of his days.

Second, Jerry Sandusky is the guy in the wrong here and the one that authorities need to focus on to find out what he did and how they can help the victims.  

I was listening to sports radio Friday and a caller came on saying that JoePa should burn in a special place in hell for what he didn't do.  Really?  The condemnation in the caller's voice and words ware harsh and I can't help but wonder how often one person condemns another when the first person isn't even following the greatest command - to love the Lord their God with all their heart, mind and soul.

It's easy to condemn and never look in the mirror.  Is not loving God as bad as someone assaulting a young child?  Sandusky is in the wrong but he's still a child of God.  Paterno is in the wrong but he's still a child of God.  I hope the radio caller remembers Jesus' words about who should cast the first stone.  

Come to think of it, I hope I'll remember it.

Grace and peace to you.

I've Lost That Blogging Feeling

My energy and passion for writing my blog is being sucked lifeless by the rest of my life.  

Right now, I'm sitting in the Las Vegas airport wondering if I'll ever get home.  It's been one of those days. I overslept 30 minutes and got to the airport to find out a) my flight was leaving 40 minutes earlier than what I thought and b) the Las Vegas American Airlines people give up your seat 30 minutes before boarding if you're on a free flight and the flight is oversold.  So, they give me a ticket on the next flight out and I proceed to the security area where the TSA agent asks me what name I go by.  I said "Jeff" and he said "so who's Gregory?"  The gate agent issued me the wrong ticket.  I head back to the gate and find out I can't get on that flight but I can get out on the next flight.  Now that flights been delayed for over 2 hours. So, I was supposed to leave at 9:00 and now I'm leaving at 3:20.  The bad part is that I'm missing time with my son which is a killer.

The good part is that I'm getting some school work done on Identity and Culture.  I take a break to look at Yahoo News and see that Wal-Mart is opening at 10:00pm on Thanksgiving night and I immediately wonder what that says about our culture.  We are a people thankful for cheap deals?  I make my living working for a company who gets paid to sell people stuff and it's our job to figure out how to make it easy for them to spend more money with us but I'm very frustrated by retailers doing some of the holiday stuff they do.  Of course, they wouldn't do it if the consumer didn't eat it up so in the end I know where to put the blame which leads me back to the question of who we are.  

And who's we are.

Grace and peace to you.

Gender Roles

I love it when I need something and it is given to me before I need it.  Such it was with the David Platt quote I used in yesterday's blog. 

I was in a conversation that led to gender roles within the church.  Now, the congregations I've attended have had pretty strict rules on what men or women could or couldn't do but also had cases where there was total bewilderment on who the role belonged to or what it should look like.  Good stuff, right?  Oh, how I imagine Satan gets all giddy when we can be pulled off the effort of seeking and saving the lost by debating with other believers.  So, I asked the question similar to what Platt asked.  What happens when you ask God to help you understand your role and he answers you?  Will you accept the answer?

I'm guilty of asking God for guidance and when I don't like the guidance I just ignore it.  God's OK with that because he can see a million moves ahead of me and he's prepared for the choices I make...but that doesn't mean I should ignore God when he speaks.  I wonder if much of our battles about gender roles and the like are more about what God says (or purposefully doesn't say) and our desire being in conflict instead of accepting what he has said (or purposefully left unsaid) and doing his will whatever the cost.  I wonder...

Grace and peace to you.

The Force of Will

I was at the Rangers game Monday night with my son and loving every minute of it.  That is, loving being with him, not the whole Rangers game.  The early innings had me running through various emotions with varying levels of intensity and I'm ususally a laid-back fan.  I walked around the concourse for two and a half innings watching it on the TV's periodically.  That may have had as much to do with the 60+ year old man and his twenty-something stripper-looking girlfriend in front of us as anything but I'll still attribute it to the bad pitching and errors.  All that to say, I think the Rangers won by force of will with some Cardinals managing and performance mistakes thrown in along the way. 

That brings me to this, a David Platt tweet on Tuesday.  The most popular question: How do I know God’s will? A more pressing question: Will I obey God’s will?  What a great comment.  I have known the big picture will of God most of my life and simply failed to obey it.  Not so much failed and chose, really.  I am one of those people who want to know the will of God...as long as it works within my parameters of what I want to do.  "God, let me help someone today."  "Uhh, God, is there anyone who looks and dresses more like me I can help?  I don't know how to talk to those people and they are dirty and stink."  "God, do something powerful in my life today."  "Uhhh, God, I didn't mean anything that could make my life/income/retirement/free time/beliefs more difficult." 

Will I obey God's will?  Regardless of the cost?

Grace and peace to you.

Heart of Flesh?

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my earlier life's fascination with politics, even a brief consideration of playing along, and my current complete and utter disdain for our political system and state of our government.  Saturday night while trying to occupy my time to keep from watching the Rangers get slaughtered, I ran across this Rick Perry post referring to Herman Cain and Mitt Romney.  

“When it comes to faith, it is the core of who I am. It is an essential act as much as breathing is an essential act,” Perry said. “I found the true source of hope and change, and that is a loving God who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh.”

Now, in the letter to the Romans "flesh" is referred to as our sinful nature a couple of times (Romans 7 & 8).  So is Perry saying God changes hearts of stone to hearts of sin?  Well, I'm sure it isn't what he meant but it's one reason I get queasy so often when politicians start referring to faith.  The fact that Perry holds high his stance on capital punishment makes me question what kind of God wants us killing other people to remain faithful.  I'm of the opinion that most politicians have a high level of faith as long as it works for their political future.  If that makes me judgmental, I hope the Lord will forgive me.  

I'm not a fan of government legislating faith.  I really believe that if we emphasize reading the Bible, prayer and doing the will of God, we won't need government to "legalize" prayer in schools, tell us abortion is wrong or what marriage looks like.  I think the most dangerous thing a Christ-follower can do is turn over the will of God to government.

I'm no fan of Rick Perry and I think he would be the last Republican I would vote for if it came down to that decision.  In the meantime, I hope his heart will continue to be turned into a heart of love, mercy and grace.  I hope that for myself all the more.

Grace and peace to you.

Mo' Money

Last week I wrote about the amazing power of God to work in people's hearts as it related to our Missions Sunday contribution.  Yesterday I learned that more money had come in and the total contribution is over $165,000.  Phenomenal.

What would I do if I won the lotto?  (Maybe the question should be what would I do if I bought a ticket and then won the lotto...so I might go buy one when I finish this post).  What a great question and one that I agree with what many others have said that the answers would reveal much about my heart. 

By the way, I do have answers but I won't reveal them here.  I still have some heart work to do.

Grace and peace to you.

All My Blogging Friends Have Settled Down

I had to borrow a Hank Williams Jr. song for that title.  It's weird when the blogs I read are people I don't know well.  I ran across this blog from Dan Bouchelle and stole an excerpt that hit home with me.

In my heritage, we have been so cautious to speak about God’s direction in our lives that some, hungry for a more active God, have over-reacted with a God who constantly tells us what to do. Oddly enough, God’s voice ends up sounding a lot like our own inner desires much of the time. I am not seeking to encourage a more human centered life. To the contrary, I am seeking to develop people who submit fully to God’s will and take full responsibility for their role in God’s economy. If God told us everything to do like a micro-managing parent, we would not grow up any more than an over-indulged child with a hovering parent.   - Dan Bouchelle's Blog

I believe I hear God speak to me in various ways (not necessarily the booming voice coming from the mountain top) but it's only in issues that I believe serve his desires and purposes.  I know some people who thank God because the Rangers won or they found the up-close parking spot and I really find it hard to believe God cares much about those things.  On the other hand, when people pray in earnest for God to move in people's hearts on an upcoming special contribution, I can't help but believe God spoke to some folks, some how, some way. 

I think God wants me to hear his voice and he wants me to hear him talk about things that make a difference in his kingdom, not my little world.  When the two intersect, I want to give the glory to God and know I am walking his path. 

Grace and peace to you.

How Can I Keep From Singing

This has become one of my new favorites...

Grace and peace to you.

My Thoughts Are My Thoughts

Profund stuff, huh?  I found myself in a conversation the other night about why there are so many churches believing so many different things and as I gave answers to some of the questions I wondered how many of my answers are driven by my own thoughts of what God intends for us to know today as opposed to simply what God wants us to know today. 

I have grown up listening to and believing the things my preacher and my teachers told me the Bible said and spent far too little time knowing what God's Word said.  I've read some of the famous authors and the not so famous, studied commentaries and searched out what other people had to say but haven't spent near enough time reading and be quiet to hear what God wants me to know. 

My thoughts are not God's thoughts, at least not all of them, but I hope the coming days will find me spending more time reading from God's words and listening for what he wants to lay on my heart instead of being content hearing what the preacher has to say and leaving it at that.  While I think the man delivering the messages at my church does a great job, I know he would agree that only God himself can speak to me in the way only God can.  I simply need to listen.

Grace and peace to you.

#powerofGod

The Well

How long can I go without water?

Rich Little, in his sermon last Sunday, referenced a ranch in Australia that was so big it wasn't realistic to put up fences.  While some would worry their cattle would wander off, the rancher realized that the cattle wouldn't go far from a well that provided them water and that's how he keeps them home.

Rich went on to make an analogy that our churches should be the same.  We don't need things that divide us (fences) in our churches, we need water - the Living Water - the water that anyone can drink and not go thirsty.  If our churches are fountains of this well, we won't need to fear people wandering off because it's something essential they need.

Our disputes over music, communion, men, women, meeting times, meeting places...you can keep filling in the blanks...are not essential to knowing the love of God and being drawn to him.  The living water, the fountain of life, the truth and the way, that is what is essential and that is what can bring us to the same place.

Grace and peace to you.

Grief and Idols

I appreciate my friend Rick Ross so much.  One of the things I appreciate is his sharing of what he has learned through a extremely painful event in his life.  He's been speaking in class about some of the things he learned and he made a comment yesterday that has stuck with me.  I wish I could remember it exactly but I will give my rendition.  We must be careful we don't let what we grieve become an idol in our life.

I'd never thought about something I lose becoming an idol but it's true.  I have likely come close at times to letting something I grieve become an idol, become something that I hold more dear than anything else, something I could almost worship by giving more attention and focus to what I lost than what God wants to give me.  

What if you lost all your money?  

What if you lost your health?

What if you lost your spouse?

What if you lost your child?

Would the loss of any of those things consume you?  For some people a loss can do just that - consume them.  What a dangerous situation that can sneak up on me if I'm not aware, not prepared for how a loss can transform my life.  

I appreciated the reminder of how to keep life in perspective and keep God in focus for my life.  

Grace and peace to you.

Following God...A Borrowed Post

I found this yesterday while catching up on a few blogs I read.  I was thinking about the power of God and as I read this, I was reminded that for me to experience the power of God, I have to let God work in me and let go of the things I want hang on to or control in my life.

Vicious Cycle

Grace and peace to you.

#powerofGod

It's a hashtag I used on some of my tweets on Sunday because the power of God and how he uses people began to overwhelm me.  

My friend Rick said some powerful things about grief in class today.  More on that another day.

My church family gave over $161,000 for our special mission offering.  More on that in a few lines.

Rich Little, a visiting preacher, spoke some powerful words about the power of God to use people.  More on that another day too.

Here's the power of God story for today.  I may have shared some of this before - too tired to go back and look right now.  Anyhoo...

Several months ago a teenage boy asked me how we came up with our budget for Missions Sunday.  Normally it's around $25-30,000 because that's what we have "felt" like we could muster and be "successful".  (Notice the words in parenthesis?  Those are human concepts.)  The teenager asked me why we didn't set it at $100,000 and see what happened.  I didn't say much at the time but the question wouldn't leave my mind.  He later told me he had heard the question from another adult in a youth class but the question didn't leave him either.  The question and the amount stayed with me until the Sunday when we were setting our missions contribution goal and I told our committee the story and the question.  Guess what?  We set our goal at $100,000.  We have prayed and we have answered questions and we have responded that we couldn't reach that amount with anything we could reason, it would be a God-thing.  

On a weekend where we had seen the first good rain in a long, long time, water wasn't the only thing that poured down from the heavens.  The Spirit of God was at work and our congregation gave $161,000 - over 3 times what we've ever given on Missions Sunday and well over 10 times our normal weekly contribution.  

I told the teenager and I told members of our youth group that they will never know the power they have to affect generations with the Gospel of Christ.  The boy hearing the question and asking the question turned a thought into real dollars and lots of them that will be used to take the Good News around the world and to possibly affect members of families for time eternal.  A simple question.

God takes a simple question asked with good intentions and turns it into something no one was prepared for.  I stood in a room of men, many with tears in their eyes, as they looked at the numbers on the adding machine because God uses us when we might not expect, might not even know it.  It sure makes me want to be open and ready for whatever God has in store because it's something greater than I'll come up with on my own.

#powerofGod

Grace and peace to you.

More On Jobs

Steve Jobs commencement address at Stanford is everywhere.  He said some really good things, some really motivating things and something that made me stop in my reading tracks and go back to what it said.  I suggest reading the whole speech but read the following excerpt with me.

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.


Did you catch the first two sentences?  No one wants to die.  Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there.  WOW!  The sad part to me is that I think he is right on based on many conversations I've had.  I have heard several sermons and many class discussions and plenty of conversations about how wonderful heaven will be but so many people don't want to go.  What will happen to this?  Who will take care of that?  What about the kids?  These conversations go on like we have all the control over all these factors and we have the best plan and it sure makes it seem that when some talk about the almighty power of God they must not believe it.

Jobs missed the mark on me.  I want to go to heaven and I'm ready to go NOW.  I trust that God will take care of my kids in ways I never will.  I trust that God will make a path for things to work how he, the creator and author of life, knows is best.  That path might be that I don't get to go to heaven anytime soon, that he has plans for me here in this dark place.  So be it.  I simply ask that he open my eyes, my mind and my heart to what he has in store for me.  If that's to claim my reward, let's get rolling.  If it's to stay here and be the hands and feet of Jesus for another day, I will trust him.

Grace and peace to you.

Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs passed away earlier today.  He's one of those people I wish I knew.  He saw things differently than most people.  He was willing to follow his heart and take risks.  He changed lives in many ways, lives of people he never knew and his innovations will likely touch generations.  I was a Mac-hater for many years because I didn't understand them.  Once I got a taste, I became a Mac devotee and it's all I want to use these days.  

I hope when I'm gone someone can say similar things about me except that it will be in the context of people's souls instead of things of this world.  I respect Jobs' for what he did for the computing world and it seemed something he poured passion into at all times.  I hope I can do the same in this world but even more so in things that are not of this world.  I hope God will use me to change lives, to affect generations and to make people's lives, both here and in eternity, better.

I have no idea of what Jobs' relationship with God was but I hope he is strolling heaven and enjoying what life "on the cloud" is really like.

Grace and peace to you.

The Most Risky Profession | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

The Most Risky Profession | Christianity Today | A Magazine of Evangelical Conviction

Interesting article.

It's never far from my mind how I spent years filling a church pew, doing the "right" things and never really knowing God. I can't help but wonder how many people in church services are there because it's the "right" thing to do or participate in activities because it's the "right" thing to do. I'm not judging them, only reflecting on the question of whether anyone else is in the same position I was, playing the part instead of being the disciple. I don't want to step foot in a church or take part in an activity related to a congregation because it's the "right" thing to do. I have and will continue to pass on being busy in favor of knowing I am seeking God's will. Some may think my distinction is a matter of semantics but I know, for me, it's a matter of following my heart for God. I hope my pride or my "right"eousness ever gets in the way of my pure and unadulterated service to my Lord. I have so far to go to be the child I want to be but it simply starts with another step forward each day. If I'm willing, he will make the lead me on the path.

Grace and peace to you.

Gifts

It's been a weekend of reminders and something I needed to be reminded of.  I have been given many gifts and sometimes the gift is taken away.  It's in those moments I make a choice - will I resent losing the gift or will I be thankful for the time I had? 

Anger, resentment, despair, hopelessness, loneliness...all emotions that are normal and reasonable to a point but there is another point when these emotions become weapons of destruction.

Last night I had to make a choice.  Do I hang on to resentment for a gift that I was having to give up for a time or do I want to given thanks and rejoice for the hours I was able to spend with these gifts?  It is so easy for me to wallow in the pain and hurt but I don't want to live that way. 

Some gifts are mine forever and some are mine for just a season.  Will I let the loss of a gift cause me to simply focus on what I've lost and forget about the eternal gifts I have? 

Nothing in this world is forever.  It's a temporary place and I need to be reminded to treat it that way. 

In doing so, I can rejoice for the time I've had and know that a better day is still ahead.

Grace and peace to you.

When Is It Time To Move On?

My blogging friends are giving up the business.  It makes me wonder when this blog will have run it's course.  I've considered shutting it down a couple of times - mainly because I feel like I'm saying the same things over and over.  Other times, I feel like new points are being revealed to me and I want to record them to look back on at some point.  

Forgiveness is back on my mind and surrender is on my mind.  A good friend shared a quote with me the other day that has me contemplating how well (or how not so well) I forgive.  Lewis Smedes is attributed with saying, "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."  Gandhi said, "The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."  I don't want to be a prisoner but I do want to be one of the strong.  It s something I still need to work on.

Forgiveness is the power of the cross, it's the final words before death to ourselves and new life.  Jesus exemplified this in his words, "Father, forgive them for the don't know what they are doing."  With that, Jesus was dead and so was the power of darkness over light, the power of bitterness over freedom, the power of hatred over love."  With complete forgiveness comes things that cannot exist without it, it brings life with joy and hope.  I need to forgive better.  I need, I want to forgive as the Lord forgave me (Colossians 3) because I believe it will lead to loving others like the Lord loves, seeing others as the Lord sees, having compassion as the Lord is compassionate, offering hope that the Lord offers me.  Today, I'm praying that I will have the strength and wisdom to forgive completely and freely.

Grace and peace to you.

Bug Guts Revisited

This is a post I wrote a year ago that has remained with me because of the message in it for me.  It had an impact on me that day and it's as meaningful today.  

Bug Guts

I'm driving home from Abilene and the windshield is a mess of bug guts and other stuff from the road that makes looking out the windshield a mess, not impossible to see but certainly not clear.  Add driving at a rate of speed that might just be a smidge over the speed limit and it's a recipe for a mess.  I can't see clearly but I'm still going 80-to-nothing (no, I wasn't going 90).  I seem to go through life that way too often.  Anyway, I'm rolling down the highway and all of the sudden I am driving through a downpour.  Buckets of rain are falling and I have to turn the windshield wipers on high to try and keep up.  I'm listening to the rhythm of the wipers and doing my best to see the lines on the road and then, poof, the storm is left behind.  It is then that I notice I am driving with a much cleaner and clearer windshield.


It's a true story but also a story of God.  I am speeding through life, going too fast, vision impaired and then I hit a storm.  As bad as the storm is, God uses it to slow me down and clean up with the windshield so I can see His desire for me more clearly.  The storm helped me, even though it caused some problems at the time, because it made me slow down, think and it helped clean my windshield so I could see my way more clearly.


Thank you God for knowing what I need, always better than I know myself.


Grace and peace to you.

Memories

This ain't a great day for me.  Last night I kept thinking about where I was on the same date many years ago and things I had done on this date.  The memories bring smiles and they bring tears.  

Last year at this time I was at ACU meeting some of the coolest kids I've ever met.  Allelon is their website I'm familiar with.  I'm not sure it's still the one they use but check it out.  It was a day that kept change in my life active.  

My son.  Baseball.  This weekend.  I. Can't. Wait.

Did I mention the Rangers look like they are headed back to the playoffs?  Good stuff.

I hope to do a better job living in what God has given me instead of spending too much time thinking about what Satan has taken away.  I've got so much more from God, so much promise and true hope, so much unconditional love and acceptance for who I am, warts and all.  I want to be better at being open to his presence in my life, every moment of it.  I want to be confident in my walk with him even when people don't understand it, I want to enjoy sabbath time with him even when events, people and my desires want to pull me one way or another, I want to have peace in my time of healing even as my head tells me to press ahead and go places I know deep down my heart isn't ready for.  I want to walk side-by-side with God instead of trying to make my own way in the world.  I've done it well at times and when I do, there is a beauty to my life that I can't describe.  It's where I want to be.

Grace and peace to you.

As The World Turns

Does life mimic soap operas or do soap operas mimic life?

I think I can find more villains in real life than I can in a TV show.  

I'm a bit grumpy right now.  I think it's based on a phone call I had today.  

"Can't we just all get along?" - Rodney King (social genius)  :)

I prefer to focus on the Texas Rangers right now.  They don't cause me to go deep.  They don't cause me to explore pain.  They don't cause me to cry out to God to open my eyes and my heart and to remove my anger and hatred.  It appears they are headed to the playoffs.  I draw for my playoff tickets on Thursday and will be accepting bids on Friday.  ALDS and ALCS tickets will need to start with 5 figures before the decimal.  World Series tickets will need to start at 6 figures before the decimal.  I'm not sure anyone is willing to pay that much but, if you are, I'll find a place to watch the game.  

Rick talked about hope on Sunday.  As he talked I thought about how flippantly I use the word "hope" so often.  I hope the iPhone 5 will be ready soon.  I hope I can get a new truck or Mercedes soon (I need those ticket prices to be high to support my style of living), I hope I have a good day.  I have hope for things that don't last and as I thought about it, I thought about the song that goes, "my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness."  We ended up singing the song but I hadn't looked at the program so I just thought the song leader and me where the great minds thinking alike.  Anyhoo, hope built on Jesus' blood is a bit deeper and broader and weightier than an iPhone 5.  I want my hope to be about much, much more than things of this world.  I want to focus on and live in that deep and broad and weighty hope that marks my eternity.

Grace and peace to you.

Crazy Stuff and Homecoming

The following seems crazy to me:
This was Josey’s eleventh felony conviction, and his second for evading arrest. Other felony convictions include five felony DWIs, possession of methamphetamine, possession of a controlled substance and two counts of forgery by passing. The earliest conviction dated back to 1989. Sentences from previous convictions totaled more than 57 years, but he always earned an early release. In this case, he will not be eligible for parole until he has served at least half his sentence.
ELEVEN felony convictions and he's out on the streets.  I don't agree with the death penalty but I do agree with "do the crime, do the time" and this guy is constantly doing the crime and seldom doing the time.  Is Rick Perry's stance on crime "kill 'em or let 'em go"?

I'm not a Rick Perry fan.  I've heard good things about him from people I trust but I don't get good feelings about him as a leader.  If it comes down to Perry and Obama, Perry has the edge being from Texas.

Tonight is homecoming in Decatur.  I'm not a big fan of all the hoopla but I know lots of people are and thank their lucky stars they are not like me in many ways.  That said, it's pretty standard for the homecoming game to be played at home.  I was talking to someone about homecoming the other day and asked if they were going to the game.  "I don't know.  It depends on where they are playing."  Hmmm.  I haven't asked but I'm guessing they are playing it at home.  Cracked me up.

In talking with some friends the past few days, it seems we are all run-down; physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I'll end my week with this from Psalm 18, words of David that I want to be living out right now:
  ² The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield^[b] and the horn^[c] of my salvation, my stronghold.

Grace and peace to you.

Talking About God

My conversations have long been filled with sports, money, sports, girls and more sports.  And hunting and fishing.

Lately, I find my conversations are filled with more talk about God.  The odd part is that most of the conversations are with people I often spent time talking about sports, money, sports, girls, more sports, hunting and fishing.  And NASCAR. 

Why are we talking about God so much?  Well, the one thing we all seem to have in common is that something bad has come into our life and we finally reached a place where we had to be authentic, transparent, real with each other and we quit thinking we could hide from God and have started bringing him into our conversations as well as our lives. 

I spent part of Sunday afternoon talking with a new friend about God and the journey we were on and would have sat there for hours if time would have allowed.  I spent lunch on Tuesday talking with another friend and co-worker about God and discussing the revelations we both had as we read The Shack.  I sat on the porch of a house on Saturday talking with two of my dearest friends about something God is leading us to and how we are finding ways to go about answering the call. 

The talk is richer than all that other stuff, deeper than all of that other stuff, more rewarding and fulfilling than all that other stuff. 

I try to say as little as possible but if you want to get me talking, bring up God.  It's my most favorite topic.

Grace and peace to you.

The End Of One Soapbox, The Start Of A New One

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Bertrand Russell

Why is surrender such a bad word?  Isn't it what Christ did in the garden?  Isn't it what he did on the cross when he said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"?  

I have to ask how often I am willing to surrender; my money, my time, my heart, pride of self, pride of citizenship, control...to God. 


I was talking with a good friend today about our desire to "react" when something happens to us.  Someone says something mean, we react.  Someone does something that hurts us, we react.  In his case, a parent provides alcohol to his and other minor children and my friend wants to go rip the guy's head off.  I understand that.  Had I been in the garden and they were coming to get me, I might have joined up with Peter and gone to swinging a sword around.  "Father, forgive them for they don't know what they are doing."

"Father, forgive Jeff because he so often doesn't know what he is doing."

When I surrender my will, I am more powerful.  When I surrender my money, I am richer.  When I surrender my time, I'm at peace.  When I surrender my life to God, I live more fully. 



Grace and peace to you.

More War Talk

An eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind.
Mahatma Gandhi

Some people are going to start to think I'm nuts.  Maybe I am.  I may be nuts but I'm also saddened by all the war/death references I see people putting on Facebook and other places who publicly call themselves Christians but want to take up arms against others.  The most recent two were women.  Now, I have to wonder if they are planning on enlisting and taking the battle to the enemy or if they want someone else to do it.  I did see one post about using unmanned planes but if you are going to go kill someone, isn't face-to-face the way to do it?  Just asking...


It is only the dead who have seen the end of war.
Plato

I'm afraid Plato might have it right.  I don't know if the fighting and killing will ever stop.  Sadly, it's usually not the youngsters who are old enough to be sent into the battle that are rattling the sabers but older folks who will stay at home and bemoan the death toll.  

What if we laid down our weapons?  What if the "bad guys" won the battle?  


What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?
Gandhi

War may sometimes be a necessary evil. But no matter how necessary, it is always an evil, never a good. We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
Jimmy Carter

Wars will come and it I'm quite confident this country will take up the battle.  So be it.  What I hate to see is those who say they follow Christ advocating war so staunchly.  War is evil and if the first thing from a person's mouth when dealing with someone who has hurt us is war, then evil has won.  This applies in our churches, our marriages, our schools, our work and our countries.  The day may come when I am placed in a position to defend myself and my children and I will have to make a call on that day.  Until then, I hope I will put love first.  

So many ascribe to the "kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out" mentality.  Jesus' last words on the cross were to forgive for the enemy didn't know what it was doing.  Jesus took God's side and allowed God to have the final say.  I hope I will be that strong.

Grace and peace to you. 

9/11

It's been awhile but not for lack of trying.  For some reason, I cannot post anything when using my normal Internet browser.  Technology can be such a frustrating thing.  Much like my blog for many readers.

As we remembered 9/11 yesterday, I was struck by the number of posts I read on Facebook about my friend's hatred for President Obama, Muslims and a host of other people who don't do things just the way my friends want them to do it and was reminded of a principle I learned reading The Shack and was reminded of yesterday as we studied Romans 15 and one of our Elders said, "remember when you are looking at someone you want to put your hands on and strangle, you are looking at someone that Jesus was willing to die for."  

I've too often been on the opposite side of God in my love for people.  He loves them and I'm ticked off at them and hoping for a piano to fall on their head.  If God loves Obama and I hate him, who's side am I on?  If God loves Muslims and I hate them, who's side am I on?  It doesn't mean I approve of what Obama or Muslims do.  It doesn't mean I approve of what many people do who I sit in church with on Sundays who don't act Christ-like the rest of the week either but God loves them and I want to be on God's side so I'm going to love them also.

When those who would be my brothers and sisters in Christ want to bomb, kill and maim anyone who doesn't agree with our way of life, I have to ask what way of life that is - the American way or God's way and which one is most important, which one should be the priority?  

I hope I will learn to love people even when I don't condone their actions or motives.  I hope I'll do a better job of praying for those who persecute me and my fellow man instead of hoping for bombs to rain down on them.  I hope I'll always remember the kingdom of God is where my true citizenship exists and that I'm just passing through as an American.  

I am thankful for those who protect us and keep us safe.  I honor them and pray for their safety and protection from those who would do them harm.  They have my support and I hope no one can doubt that or mis-hears how strongly I feel about those who serve our country in any capacity.  

Even while I support those who protect me from harm, I will not wish harm on those who would hurt me but pray that one day love will rule and that God will be the victor over all.

Grace and peace to you.

Traveling Man

I'm thankful for a safe and fairly uneventful trip. Our plane into Miami was delayed and we had to hustle to meet our connecting flight and wondered if our luggage was hustling as fast as we were and it all worked out. My hotel room in Aracaju may be the darkest room I have ever stayed in. It's odd being in South America because being winter, it's dark at 5:00. They have had a lot of rain and we just missed a big downpour today that was flash flooding some of the streets. Sleep has been elusive and I hope Thursday night's rest is good and prolonged. It always surprises how I miss Texas and feel so far away from everyone when I make a trip like this. Maybe it's because I can't just pick up my phone and make a call or send a text.

I'm not like you. You are not me. I've been struck lately how some people often try to make someone else out to be like them. It's a little perplexing why it happens when it happens and it's a bit frustrating at times. I don't like being treated as if my personality and thoughts and desires are the same as someone else.

Here's hoping for some great days in Aracaju and 5 seemingly short sleeps until I'm back home in my bed and around people I know and love. In the meantime, I pray that God will do powerful things through me and in me while I'm here.

Grace and peace to you.

Hopefully, I Am In South America

I'm writing this on Tuesday night because I expect I'll be a zombie by the time you are reading it and somewhere between Decatur, TX, Sau Paulo, Brazil and Aracaju, Brazil.  I might be locked down in Miami because of a hurricane or so I hear.  I might be lost in Sau Paulo because GOL! Airlines keeps changing the times of our flight but the new times are the same as the old times.  Very confusing.  I just hope my clean underwear and I wind up in the same place.

I solicit your prayers for my time in Aracaju.  I'm speaking at a meeting Saturday night on a topic I'm qualified to speak about and one that scares me to death to talk about.  I'm praying that God fills me up with wisdom and the words I speak are the words he is wanting to lay on people's hearts.  

The closer I am to leaving the more excited I am about seeing Gilvan and his little boy, Giovanni, my good friend Romeo who is always smiling, Victor and Bela, two of the strongest young Christians I know, Albert and Carol, another young couple with a desire to serve and Bruno and Ricardo, two young men who may have more fire and passion for sharing the Good News than anyone I've ever met.  The joy of the Lord bleeds through there pores, through their smiles and actions and words.  Their eyes are alive when they speak about God and they draw people to them.

Oh, the high is supposed to be in the low-80's the first few days we are there.  Yea!  It stays in the low 70's at night and it might even rain one day.  

The weather will be nice but it's the joy in knowing God exhibited in the lives of the people I will be spending time with that really excites me about what I'm doing.  I'm ready to be infected again by their contagious zeal for the Lord.

Grace and peace to you. 

Fly Like An Eagle

I'm headed to Aracaju, Brazil today.  It's a trip I never really enjoy as I start the travel process at 3:00p and will arrive in Aracaju around 3:00 tomorrow but I look forward to being with the people there so much.  I've learned the concept of joy from my friends in Aracaju and the concept of living with much less and enjoying more freedom. 

My baby started her senior year of high school this week.  How did it get here so fast?  Just yesterday, I was walking her into kindergarten holding her hand.  Now she's driving herself and doesn't need Dad so much.  I'm so very proud of her and the young woman she is becoming.

I stretch some analogies to fit my needs.  To that end, while fishing last week I thought about how hard we were working to catch fish.  Relentless is the word I would use when we were in an area with large redfish.  I thought about how diligent we were about catching fish and tried to imagine how relentless God is in his desire to catch us.  God is good and he is faithful and he never stops in his desire or effort to help his sheep remain safe and in the shepherd's care.

Grace and peace to you.

The Week That Is

It's a crazy week.  Here for a few days, gone for most.  More on that tomorrow.


Drew Pearson is going into the Ring of Honor.  I'm disappointed Jerry didn't do that a long time ago but he owns the team and I don't.  Still, I'm disappointed in Jerry.


I'm not a Cowboys fan anymore.


I am a Rangers fan and liked how they played against the Angels.  If all goes well I'll be drawing playoff tickets in a month or so. 


Rick Perry for President?  Ewww.  I just don't believe he's done a good job nor seems to have enough depth about him to deal with the issues a President has to deal with. 


I want to vote for a President who has actually created jobs without using taxpayer money to do it.  Is that so much to ask for? 


OK, that's all the fluff for one day.  I'll be packing tonight for a little trip with my twin brother (some of you will understand that reference, others will be shocked I have a twin brother and even more would only laugh when they see him standing next to me).


Grace and peace to you.

The Week That Was

A friend asked me how I was doing last week and I had a seemingly bizarre response, even for me.  "Well, I'm physically and emotionally exhausted, I'm battling attacks almost daily that are trying to separate me from a focus on God, I'm separated from the people I love the most by a situation I hate, and it could get worse before it gets better.  So, I praise God in this storm because it reminds me that I can do nothing without him and it's easy for me to look around and see others who are living in situations that seem so much worse than my own." 


That was before I hopped on a corporate plane owned by one of our vendors, flew to the coast to fish and flew back the next day after lots of fish and a great meal.  It's not all bad. 


The University of Miami got busted for some bad stuff and rumors of the death penalty but I don't believe it will happen.  Too much TV money is on the line and we all know that college sports are more and more about the money these days.  Sad that SMU had to get hammered for the NCAA to figure out they didn't have the guts to keep busting the bad guys. 


Walmart + Friday night = very bizarre clothing standards


If you know me well, you know I can be a bit sarcastic and often at the most inopportune times.  You might also know that Rob Bell wrote a book that many describe as his reasoning that there is not a literal hell.  So, I couldn't help but tweet last week the following; "I wonder if this summer is God's response to Rob Bell."  You have to appreciate sordid humor to enjoy some of the things I say.


I read a blog post by one of Bell's biggest apologists last week attempting to explain why the Bible never truly condones homosexual activity unless it is used in some pagan, ritualistic way.  My views on scripture have broadened and relaxed in many ways from how I was taught early in life but I just can't get there with this guy. 


I'm finding that many people really don't believe you can follow the Bible unless you understand Greek because they use how original words were used to explain why things don't mean what we used to believe they meant.  Maybe scripture really is for the mental elite.  But, I don't believe it.


So, there are things that I don't agree with but I take those comments and use them to re-examine what I believe, to study again what I read in scripture and what I believe the God I know with my heart wants me to know about him and his desire.  If that's not enough...


I think it's enough.


Grace and peace to you.

Read It While You Can

There's been some debate recently about hell being a literal or figurative place and some mud-slinging to go along with it.  I've stated my position of ignorance in the past (March 22, 2011 Blog) and still want to be more in tune with what God would have me do today and live it out than argue with someone about hell.  At any rate, with any book about anything controversial more books will come out with the other argument and I guess my good buddy (I don't really know the guy but he makes me think) Frances Chan has responded to Rob Bell's book and below is a link for an excerpt.  I appreciate Chan for bringing out things that I overlook at times.  For instance, I can get rolling with the argument that hell is for bad people who do bad things and Chan points out that the Bible says people who talk harshly about others are those very folks doing bad things.  Now, I know for a fact that there is some gossiping going on at lots of church buildings because a) I've heard it and b) I'm pretty sure I've joined in before and a good bit of that gossip fits under the category of speaking harshly about others.  Something to think about...


Here's the link to Chan's excerpt.  I'm not sure if I can legally borrow it or not but I'll give it a whirl and hope it simply makes you think. 


Chan on hell


Grace and peace to you.

IANMO

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)

Grace and peace to you. 

The Pain of Yesterday

I was watching the Rangers game the other night and saw a foul ball hit to left field.  Josh Hamilton goes to pick it up and tosses it to the ballgirl instead of turning to throw it over the back fence.  I can't help but wonder if he doesn't feel some pain every time that happens.  If you don't know the story, Hamilton picked up a foul ball a few weeks ago and tossed it to a fan in the stands behind the left field wall.  The fan reached out to catch it, lost his balance, fell over the fence 20 feet below hitting his head and died soon after.  His young son (6 years old I believe) was sitting next to his dad when it happened.  Now, Hamilton did what we hope every pro player will do - toss us something we can hang onto.  I don't know Josh Hamilton but believe him to be a compassionate man and I can't help but think he wishes he would have held onto the ball that Shannon Stone missed that fateful night.  When I saw him toss a ball to the ballgirl the other night, I couldn't help but think he still feels the pain of that one toss.  And I wondered about that little boy and his family and whether they would attend more baseball games in the future.  A father and son, a baseball game, hot dogs and Josh Hamilton standing in front of you.  What's better than that kind of night?  Then it turns to pain. 


I assume that to be true because I've tossed a lot of balls in my past I wish I would have held onto.  Not real balls, but something that I did that turned out bad, that turned out to bring pain in my life I didn't expect, didn't think about, certainly didn't want.  Then, each time a similar situation comes up or some trigger reminds me about that toss I made, I am revisited by the pain.  There are times where I deserved the pain and there are times where the pain comes from something that was supposed to be good.  Either way, I wish I could have held onto that ball.


I trust Josh Hamilton's faith will help him keep moving forward but my guess is he will never thrown another ball over that back fence because it's pain he doesn't want to revisit.  I trust my faith will get me through the times I feel the pain and I trust that God will be at work to mend the wounds and help me know that the pain is nothing compared to the goodness and a life without pain that is waiting for me. 


Grace and peace to you.