Mental Health

In the book Managing Conflict Through Communication by Ruth Abigail and Dudley Cahn, the authors point out that forgiveness is good for mental health and failure to forgive can have long lasting negative effects on mental health.  That's no great surprise to me but a good reminder of how holding on to grudges and anger from hurts would only keep me captive to that person.  When I truly forgive them, let it go and move on, I am no longer captive to them because that event doesn't rule in my heart, my head and my life.  That's not to say I won't remember and it's not to say I want avoid having to deal with someone who has repeatedly or maliciously tried to hurt me but I won't let those past grievances control my heart and my mind and my health.

Forgiveness is powerful medicine.  The world would be a better place if more people took a big dose of it.

Grace and peace.

Even More Fruitcakes!

Yes, I'm back in Las Vegas and you see the craziest things.  Tonight it was a lady who was in trouble with MGM hotel security and it got a little wild with lots of hitting, cussing, screaming and handcuffs.  Then there are the drunks who are coming in when I'm headed out for a meeting at 6:45 in the morning.  Ouch.  Then there's all the money fed into slot machines, spent on blackjack, craps, roulette and a number of other games of chance and the alcohol...oh, how the alcohol flows.  It's a wild and bizarre place.

Las Vegas may or may not have anything to do with what's on my mind.  Forgiveness.  

My classes are getting better and better and I've read some things that really resonate with me in the past week.  I'll have more on those to post in the next few days but suffice it to say that I'm thinking about forgiveness all over again.  How, when, why?  Forgive others and forgive myself?  What does pure forgiveness look like?  All good questions and all with good answers.  

To make it easy for myself, I fall back to a question.  How do I want God to forgive me and what does that look like?  

Grace and peace.

Less Nuts, More Fruitcake

One of my goals of this blog is to get Rick Ross to respond which finally happened on Monday.  Woo-hoo!  If you haven't read Rick's response, you should because it says some things I meant to write on Tuesday but didn't get around to finishing.

I enjoy going to "church" now more than ever.  Yes, MORE than ever.

It's not because of the preacher (sorry, Rick).  It's not because of the song leaders or the songs or the classes or the prayers or anything else.  It's simply because I am with people who have held me up when I wasn't sure I could go on and we come together in the presence of God to worship.  It's because I am there with people who jumped down in a foxhole with me when the battle was raging and the enemy was winning.  

I used to feel bad because I would take my son to play baseball on some Sunday mornings.  In my old way of thinking, it was just bad.  Plain and simple.  Then, I felt like I started to rationalize not being at church with my analysis of what "forsaking the assembly" really meant.  Then I met another Jeff from another town who's son played baseball with my son.  Jeff thought it was funny when I told him I hated missing church for baseball.  He thought religion was a joke and the people who bought into it were part of the "suckers born everyday" group.  Over the next 14 weeks I was able to share some struggles I was having and how I knew God was working in those places.  I got to tell him about some people at church who meant the world to me, who I would run through walls for because their love for me was so great and that I believed God had led us all together because of our trials.  I don't think I changed Jeff's mind about religion but I believe I helped him see God differently and see church differently.  I never would have had those conversations sitting in church.

Choosing to go to church isn't an either/or proposition.  While I don't agree with telling people they need to be there instead of option A, B or C, I am fully in favor and personally look forward to the times of gathering with people who love God and love each other to worship, to love and to show adoration for the Lord of our lives and to journey with those around us during good times and bad times.  If I'm not going to be at church, I hope the Lord will give me an opportunity to glorify him wherever I am and when I am in church I hope he allows me to continue feeling the peace I experience there.

Grace and peace.

Marking Time

Today is a hard anniversary for very close friends.  Some of you may know the store of Rick and Beverly Ross and the tragic loss of their daughter, Jenny, a wife to David and mother to Malaya.  I hurt for them and my heart is heavy for them on this day.  

Why does God let these things happen?  It's a question I've asked about personal situations in the past because I believe God can do anything, but he doesn't always do the thing we want him to do.  Why do moms die leaving 3 children with a father who kills himself 4 months later?  Why do children die?  Why does an 11 year old have bone cancer?  Why do families fall apart?  These are questions I often ask wondering what God is doing.

Why did God give his own son to die for me?  It's another question I ask wondering what God was thinking.

I remind myself from time to time that God knows suffering.  He knows extreme, intense pain.  Why is that I'm expecting I won't have to face it or my friends won't have to face it when God made a choice that caused great suffering.  His son didn't simply die.  God allowed it to happen for a bigger purpose.  

Is my suffering going to be for a bigger purpose?  Will my friend's suffering be for a bigger purpose?  I don't know but I do know the pain doesn't go away.  In whole or in part, it will remain.

So the question becomes will we trust God when the world crumbles?  Will we hold onto our faith?  There were days I didn't know if I would or if I could but another question always lingered.  It's a question Rick Ross asked me when I felt my world was going completely dark.  Where else will you go?

So we mark time.  We mark the times of our suffering and the reminder that follow and we mark time until we leave this place of suffering and join the party to be united with God.  I will live out my days with joy for the blessings I experience, with pain for the wounds I've experienced and marking time while crying out, Lord, come quickly!

Grace and peace to you.

A Bit Nutty

A question came up in our Lifegroup yesterday and I answered it.  Careful what you ask.

The question was something like "what do we do as a church to reach the marginalized?"  Well, I have some thoughts...

First, we need to determine if "the church" really wants to reach the marginalized.  There's a lot of talk about being in church (meaning attending the Sunday and Wednesday gatherings) and it's something that I'm careful about agreeing with.  If the idea is to attend church because that's the place to be and the right thing to do, then I hesitate to join the bandwagon.  I grew up hearing I needed to be at church (meaning the building) whenever the doors opened but I didn't know God and didn't really know what living as a disciple meant.  I've come to believe that some churches mimic the Pharisees in their legalistic definition of what church attendance should be.  Remember, these are my opinions.  Anyway, I heard a lot about "do not forsake the assembly" (you can look it up) but it seems like the story about Jesus healing on the Sabbath is only used as fodder for talking about the Pharisees and seldom, if ever, used as an example of us getting out of the building and going to help the marginalized/lost/starving/homeless/naked/drug addicted/porn addicted/sex addicted/et.al.  I've taken the approach that it doesn't matter if I'm at a church service or not if my mind and actions are on serving God and exemplifying discipleship.  I can be at a baseball game, volleyball game, the lake, the mall, wherever and if showing true Christ-likeness is at the forefront of my thoughts and actions, I may be in a better place to reach the hurting than if I was occupying a cozy cushion in our comfy church building.  Some may ask why I think those places are better than church and I don't want to insinuate that's always the case but I can tell you I have had some positive discussions about Jesus at a baseball tournament on a Sunday to someone who was very skeptical of religion.  I don't know that I ever changed his mind but we talked about Christ much more than we would have had I been at church with other people who aren't on the margins.  Just a thought.

Second, what if the church gave everyone or every family walking in the building on Sunday morning $20-50 cash and said to "bless someone with it."  Now, if it's a family that is hurting financially, they can keep it.  If not, I wonder what putting cash in the hands of someone professing to be a Christ follower would cause them to do.  Would they go look for someone to help?  Their children do it when performing random acts of kindness and I bet the families would do it too...likely in creative ways.  If the church did this, it would be an institution truly calling it's members to action and I believe most of the members would respond favorably.  

So what does the church do to reach the marginalized.  Open their doors and challenge it's people to get outside, to find the people who are in the marginalized target market, and to do something for them.  

Just saying...

Grace and peace.

Glory to God

I'm not going to steal Rick Atchley's Twitter posts forever but here's another good one.  "I know I need to be Jesus to everyone, but first, I think I nee to see Jesus in everyone."

Last night I had the opportunity to speak to a group of men in Stephenville, Texas about my journey, about the darkest hours, the lowest of lows, about the brightest hopes and my walk to truly know God.  It was an incredible experience - not because I was asked to speak but because telling my story reminds me of where I've been, what I've seen and where I don't want to go again and because it gives God the opportunity to speak into people through me.  I know my story is meaningless without the work of God in my life and that's one thing I want people to know.  

Any talk about my life has a revolving theme.  One, that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against dark, evil, powerful forces that I cannot see.  Two, that I am a child of God made in His image.  I want to remember to see myself that way and see others that way - as children of my LORD.  

I'm thankful to my good friend Randy Daugherty for inviting me to speak and even more thankful to God for giving me the strength, courage and knowledge that He was working in me and through me.  

Grace and peace to you.

Smart

If you get a chance to see Flower Mound Marcus play basketball this year, jump on it.  Marcus Smart may be an NBA player one day.  

I'm borrowing another gem from Rick Atchley.

"Athletes deny themselves things that are not wrong but are not smart. So do disciples!"

Denying myself is hard.  There are things I enjoy, things that make me feel good, things that brighten my spirits, things...and I want them and, at times, get them when I can.  However, denying myself at times would make me a better person and certainly smarter for the endeavor.  

I want to be a disciple. I want to follow Christ and his example and the desires of God's heart for my life.

Grace and peace.