Mental Health

In the book Managing Conflict Through Communication by Ruth Abigail and Dudley Cahn, the authors point out that forgiveness is good for mental health and failure to forgive can have long lasting negative effects on mental health.  That's no great surprise to me but a good reminder of how holding on to grudges and anger from hurts would only keep me captive to that person.  When I truly forgive them, let it go and move on, I am no longer captive to them because that event doesn't rule in my heart, my head and my life.  That's not to say I won't remember and it's not to say I want avoid having to deal with someone who has repeatedly or maliciously tried to hurt me but I won't let those past grievances control my heart and my mind and my health.

Forgiveness is powerful medicine.  The world would be a better place if more people took a big dose of it.

Grace and peace.

Even More Fruitcakes!

Yes, I'm back in Las Vegas and you see the craziest things.  Tonight it was a lady who was in trouble with MGM hotel security and it got a little wild with lots of hitting, cussing, screaming and handcuffs.  Then there are the drunks who are coming in when I'm headed out for a meeting at 6:45 in the morning.  Ouch.  Then there's all the money fed into slot machines, spent on blackjack, craps, roulette and a number of other games of chance and the alcohol...oh, how the alcohol flows.  It's a wild and bizarre place.

Las Vegas may or may not have anything to do with what's on my mind.  Forgiveness.  

My classes are getting better and better and I've read some things that really resonate with me in the past week.  I'll have more on those to post in the next few days but suffice it to say that I'm thinking about forgiveness all over again.  How, when, why?  Forgive others and forgive myself?  What does pure forgiveness look like?  All good questions and all with good answers.  

To make it easy for myself, I fall back to a question.  How do I want God to forgive me and what does that look like?  

Grace and peace.

Less Nuts, More Fruitcake

One of my goals of this blog is to get Rick Ross to respond which finally happened on Monday.  Woo-hoo!  If you haven't read Rick's response, you should because it says some things I meant to write on Tuesday but didn't get around to finishing.

I enjoy going to "church" now more than ever.  Yes, MORE than ever.

It's not because of the preacher (sorry, Rick).  It's not because of the song leaders or the songs or the classes or the prayers or anything else.  It's simply because I am with people who have held me up when I wasn't sure I could go on and we come together in the presence of God to worship.  It's because I am there with people who jumped down in a foxhole with me when the battle was raging and the enemy was winning.  

I used to feel bad because I would take my son to play baseball on some Sunday mornings.  In my old way of thinking, it was just bad.  Plain and simple.  Then, I felt like I started to rationalize not being at church with my analysis of what "forsaking the assembly" really meant.  Then I met another Jeff from another town who's son played baseball with my son.  Jeff thought it was funny when I told him I hated missing church for baseball.  He thought religion was a joke and the people who bought into it were part of the "suckers born everyday" group.  Over the next 14 weeks I was able to share some struggles I was having and how I knew God was working in those places.  I got to tell him about some people at church who meant the world to me, who I would run through walls for because their love for me was so great and that I believed God had led us all together because of our trials.  I don't think I changed Jeff's mind about religion but I believe I helped him see God differently and see church differently.  I never would have had those conversations sitting in church.

Choosing to go to church isn't an either/or proposition.  While I don't agree with telling people they need to be there instead of option A, B or C, I am fully in favor and personally look forward to the times of gathering with people who love God and love each other to worship, to love and to show adoration for the Lord of our lives and to journey with those around us during good times and bad times.  If I'm not going to be at church, I hope the Lord will give me an opportunity to glorify him wherever I am and when I am in church I hope he allows me to continue feeling the peace I experience there.

Grace and peace.

Marking Time

Today is a hard anniversary for very close friends.  Some of you may know the store of Rick and Beverly Ross and the tragic loss of their daughter, Jenny, a wife to David and mother to Malaya.  I hurt for them and my heart is heavy for them on this day.  

Why does God let these things happen?  It's a question I've asked about personal situations in the past because I believe God can do anything, but he doesn't always do the thing we want him to do.  Why do moms die leaving 3 children with a father who kills himself 4 months later?  Why do children die?  Why does an 11 year old have bone cancer?  Why do families fall apart?  These are questions I often ask wondering what God is doing.

Why did God give his own son to die for me?  It's another question I ask wondering what God was thinking.

I remind myself from time to time that God knows suffering.  He knows extreme, intense pain.  Why is that I'm expecting I won't have to face it or my friends won't have to face it when God made a choice that caused great suffering.  His son didn't simply die.  God allowed it to happen for a bigger purpose.  

Is my suffering going to be for a bigger purpose?  Will my friend's suffering be for a bigger purpose?  I don't know but I do know the pain doesn't go away.  In whole or in part, it will remain.

So the question becomes will we trust God when the world crumbles?  Will we hold onto our faith?  There were days I didn't know if I would or if I could but another question always lingered.  It's a question Rick Ross asked me when I felt my world was going completely dark.  Where else will you go?

So we mark time.  We mark the times of our suffering and the reminder that follow and we mark time until we leave this place of suffering and join the party to be united with God.  I will live out my days with joy for the blessings I experience, with pain for the wounds I've experienced and marking time while crying out, Lord, come quickly!

Grace and peace to you.

A Bit Nutty

A question came up in our Lifegroup yesterday and I answered it.  Careful what you ask.

The question was something like "what do we do as a church to reach the marginalized?"  Well, I have some thoughts...

First, we need to determine if "the church" really wants to reach the marginalized.  There's a lot of talk about being in church (meaning attending the Sunday and Wednesday gatherings) and it's something that I'm careful about agreeing with.  If the idea is to attend church because that's the place to be and the right thing to do, then I hesitate to join the bandwagon.  I grew up hearing I needed to be at church (meaning the building) whenever the doors opened but I didn't know God and didn't really know what living as a disciple meant.  I've come to believe that some churches mimic the Pharisees in their legalistic definition of what church attendance should be.  Remember, these are my opinions.  Anyway, I heard a lot about "do not forsake the assembly" (you can look it up) but it seems like the story about Jesus healing on the Sabbath is only used as fodder for talking about the Pharisees and seldom, if ever, used as an example of us getting out of the building and going to help the marginalized/lost/starving/homeless/naked/drug addicted/porn addicted/sex addicted/et.al.  I've taken the approach that it doesn't matter if I'm at a church service or not if my mind and actions are on serving God and exemplifying discipleship.  I can be at a baseball game, volleyball game, the lake, the mall, wherever and if showing true Christ-likeness is at the forefront of my thoughts and actions, I may be in a better place to reach the hurting than if I was occupying a cozy cushion in our comfy church building.  Some may ask why I think those places are better than church and I don't want to insinuate that's always the case but I can tell you I have had some positive discussions about Jesus at a baseball tournament on a Sunday to someone who was very skeptical of religion.  I don't know that I ever changed his mind but we talked about Christ much more than we would have had I been at church with other people who aren't on the margins.  Just a thought.

Second, what if the church gave everyone or every family walking in the building on Sunday morning $20-50 cash and said to "bless someone with it."  Now, if it's a family that is hurting financially, they can keep it.  If not, I wonder what putting cash in the hands of someone professing to be a Christ follower would cause them to do.  Would they go look for someone to help?  Their children do it when performing random acts of kindness and I bet the families would do it too...likely in creative ways.  If the church did this, it would be an institution truly calling it's members to action and I believe most of the members would respond favorably.  

So what does the church do to reach the marginalized.  Open their doors and challenge it's people to get outside, to find the people who are in the marginalized target market, and to do something for them.  

Just saying...

Grace and peace.

Glory to God

I'm not going to steal Rick Atchley's Twitter posts forever but here's another good one.  "I know I need to be Jesus to everyone, but first, I think I nee to see Jesus in everyone."

Last night I had the opportunity to speak to a group of men in Stephenville, Texas about my journey, about the darkest hours, the lowest of lows, about the brightest hopes and my walk to truly know God.  It was an incredible experience - not because I was asked to speak but because telling my story reminds me of where I've been, what I've seen and where I don't want to go again and because it gives God the opportunity to speak into people through me.  I know my story is meaningless without the work of God in my life and that's one thing I want people to know.  

Any talk about my life has a revolving theme.  One, that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against dark, evil, powerful forces that I cannot see.  Two, that I am a child of God made in His image.  I want to remember to see myself that way and see others that way - as children of my LORD.  

I'm thankful to my good friend Randy Daugherty for inviting me to speak and even more thankful to God for giving me the strength, courage and knowledge that He was working in me and through me.  

Grace and peace to you.

Smart

If you get a chance to see Flower Mound Marcus play basketball this year, jump on it.  Marcus Smart may be an NBA player one day.  

I'm borrowing another gem from Rick Atchley.

"Athletes deny themselves things that are not wrong but are not smart. So do disciples!"

Denying myself is hard.  There are things I enjoy, things that make me feel good, things that brighten my spirits, things...and I want them and, at times, get them when I can.  However, denying myself at times would make me a better person and certainly smarter for the endeavor.  

I want to be a disciple. I want to follow Christ and his example and the desires of God's heart for my life.

Grace and peace.

Noise

It's loud.  There are so many things vying for my attention, my mind, my heart.  I got this tweet from Rick Atchley the other day.  "If you want to hear God, you're going to have to turn down the ambient noise."

Grace and peace.

Get Outta Here...

Do you know Kylie Bisutti?  She's been a Victoria's Secret runway model and I must admit she can conjure up some thoughts strutting around in her lingerie.  I'm a Kylie fan but probably not for the reason you would first think.  I didn't say she "is" a VS model, I said she's "been" a VS model - past tense.  She gave up the gig she had dreamed of because she's been reading the Bible and was convicted she needs to save her body for her husband (I imagine there are Christian single men sending her their information right now) that she hopes to have one day.  

Restoration.  Renewal.  Kylie is finding it through her study of God's word.  It's amazing what the Spirit will do within us when we get into God's word.  We can read Lucado and Yancey and Chan, we can listen to Andy Stanley, John Piper or Joel Osteen (I'm throwing that one in for a good buddy of mine) but none of those can do what actually reading the Bible and letting the Spirit work on heart and mind can do to us.  

I'm a Kylie Bisutti fan and hope she will maintain her desire to serve God and openly share her faith.  It's something I can learn from.

Grace and peace.

More R & R

First, let me say that I have written two good blogs that come up as gobbley-goop and it's making me want to get the baseball bat out.  One of them was what I thought to be the best post I'd ever written and how I wish I could remember how I said what I said.  Oh well...back to mediocrity...

I'm stealing a tweet from Josh Ross to use as the basis of my post.  "Words like restore, redeem, reconcile and renew indicate a prior condition that was good.  We were created in God's image."

I'm using that in a lesson I'm teaching in June because the idea of being created in God's image has been something I have learned to grow on over the past few years.  I bring Genesis 1:27 up in many, many conversations with people because they, like me, have this feeling we can not do enough, be good enough, not whatever enough and I never thought of myself as being made in God's image.  

I have heard so many conversations about self-esteem, self-image, self, self, self that I think I became conditioned to always look at myself the way others saw me.  Now, I just want to point others to God when my appearance (in whatever fashion) comes into the conversation.  When I'm living right and doing things to help people, I want to point to God and give him glory as my Creator.  When I'm living wrong and doing things that hurt my relationship with God, I want to point to God and give him the the glory as my Redeemer and Savior.  I don't want people to see Jeff, to see my image, to see my self-esteem, to see my brilliance and greatness (quit laughing at that last part), I want them see a reflection of God and nothing more.

Grace and peace to you.

R & R

Peacemaking includes many facets.  A couple of those are restoration and reconciliation (R&R) and it's something that, without God's grace, most of us would not know.  Without R&R, there's no peace.  

I have only found peace learning to live in contentment with whatever my situation is but without restoration and reconciliation, peace is only partial at best.  I have lived for years without peace in my life because of conflict with God, conflict with people I have loved and conflict within me.  I trust that God has forgiven me and I am finally learning to live at peace with him.  I'm not there yet and that's because I still have trouble forgiving myself and without being able to fully reach reconciliation with myself, it's still difficult to have full peace with God when I'm not at complete peace with myself.  Finally, there are people close to me that I have been restored and reconciled to and live at total peace with them and others that it is still in process and there is no peace yet.  

This is something that Josh Hamilton is dealing with right now.  He's a public example of what I often deal with - battling demons that call me to do things I shouldn't do.  I'm guessing Hamilton's failing jeopardizes his family relationship and certainly jeopardizes his work relationship (very secondary in this situation but more public).  His openness and honest way of addressing the problem has certainly made R&R appear more realistic in all his relationships and I hope it works out that he will be able to again know peace because of the grace of those around him.

I want to know peace.  I want to help others find peace.  It can happen but there has to be restoration and reconciliation to make it so.  That takes admitting fault and seeking forgiveness.  It also requires forgiveness and grace by others with God as the model for what true forgiveness looks like.  I hope I will be forgiven and I hope I will forgive liberally as God has forgiven me.  It doesn't mean there will never be consequences to actions, it doesn't mean that my way (or another person's way) is always the right answer but peace can be found in all situations with people who put R&R above themselves.

Grace and peace to you.

Peacemakers

I want to be a peacemaker.  

I have lived much of my life in conflict.  Conflict with God and his desire for me, conflict within myself and who I wanted to be and conflict with others who were/are close to me.  It's hard to live in conflict as long as I did and even made harder by my inability to deal with conflict.  

When I started the program I'm working through now learning to be a peacemaker, I had to take a test to determine my conflict style.  The choices are: collaboration (win-win), accommodation (you win-I lose), compromise (lose-lose), competition (I win-you lose) and avoidance (nothing to win or lose).  I rated highest in avoidance and second highest in accommodation.  If I couldn't avoid it at all costs, I would rather give in and let someone else get their way.  I have bad conflict resolution skills and it's something I want to change for myself and certainly to help other people.  

I often wish I had known better a long time ago.  I think I would have been a better person, a better father, a better husband, a better employee, a better friend.  It's hard sometimes wishing I could rewrite history but that isn't going to happen so I press on, looking to the future, working to overcome my weaknesses and shortcomings, hoping the Lord will use me to bring peace to others so that conflict doesn't tear them down, rip them apart and throw them aside.  

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God. - Matthew 5:9

Lord, make me a peacemaker and use me in your kingdom so that others will know the peace that only comes from you.

Grace and peace to you.

Able

One of my lifelong struggles is thinking I could handle things on my own.  I found out the hard way I couldn't but the idea still tries to creep back into my head every now and then.  This is another song that I have loved listening to that helps me remember I need God in my life and in my decisions.

Grace and peace to you.

The Motions

Matthew West sings a song, The Motions that helped me during tough times of life (as documented in older posts here and here).  It's a song I've gone back to lately as it helps spur me out of my doldrums.  Enjoy it and then read on...

I've started a new book, not a fan by Kyle Idelman.  I'm just a few chapters in and I already know it is one I will be recommending, if not buying, for my friends.  It's challenging and it is calling me back to my desire to go through life as a follower of Jesus, not just a fan.  I want to be a true disciple regardless of the costs - the lost relationships, the questions and criticisms of people who don't understand (or don't want to understand), the denial of things I would enjoy but that will use my time and resources that could be better used for the kingdom.  

Lord make me a servant, Lord make me like you.  It's easy to sing, harder to live.  I pray I will be strong enough to live the hard life, the best life.

Grace and peace to you.

The Harding Experience

I spent the past weekend at Harding University and had a fabulous experience.  I love being around young people and this was a few days filled with young people - seeing their lives and hearing the dreams and passions.  On Thursday, I sat in on interviews for a summer youth intern at our church and was uplifted by hearing these kids desire to serve God and work with other young people.  What blew me away was their willingness to share some of their own struggles and how they were working through them.  It was encouraging to experience their transparency and their mission for living more righteous and holy lives.  Friday and Saturday were spent in discussions on plans for teachers (I'll be one) for UPLIFT 2012.  That consisted of several hours with youth ministers and youth ministry volunteers and, again, it was encouraging to hear their heart for reaching young people with the good news.  

I've got a child going to Harding next year and I'm so pleased that is the school of choice.  There is good and bad in every place but the students I met encourage me about what the future holds.  

Grace and peace to you.

Rehab

I've been blessed with a group of guys who are very close to me, who have journeyed with me through my darkest days and have celebrated new life with me.  Oddly, all of us seem to be in a lull of late, a season where we all feel like we are going through the motions of life.  I'm not sure what it means but I've wondered why so many of us are in the same place right now.

Lecrae sings a song about going to rehab, talking to God about how he just got better, got clean and started living the way he should when he slipped back into old habits and bad choices and needs to come to rehab again.  The song really speaks to me right now.

I'm back in Proverbs to break the doldrums.  Where better to go than to wisdom?  I love reading these scriptures and thinking about how they apply to me but also am struck how people tend to apply them to our physical life more than our spiritual life.  Oh, there is plenty of wisdom for daily life but as I read it I believe that wisdom has more to do with my heart than earthly tangibles.  

This is a season (brief, I hope) where I need to guard my heart.  I am praying that God will make his presence overwhelm me during this time.

Grace and peace to you.

Song Power

There are some songs that speak deep into my heart, that stir my soul, that elicit emotions to come bubbling up.  I was driving home one night recently when I heard the song "Garden" by my new favorite band, NEEDTOBREATHE and as I listened the first time through tears were streaming down my face.  The second time through, more tears.  The third time through, I was flat out crying.  The fourth, fifth, sixth and ninth times I heard it, I was worshipping a loving God and his sacrificial son.  I've listened to it a number of times since then and it still feels fresh, still tugs on my heart and speaks deeply into my soul.  

Grace and peace to you.

A Borrowed Message

I'm posting an email I received from John Eldredge that is taken from his book, The Sacred Romance, because it speaks to me of where I've been, where I find myself now and where I need to be on-guard for in the future.  It's so easy to lose heart for what is important by getting wrapped up in the minor events of today.  It's easy to exert a great deal of time and energy into house-hunting, car-shopping, running here and there, school and lose focus of where I really want to be going and where and I really want (and need) my energy to be focused so that I am feel truly fulfilled in this life.  Lord, pull me close and help me open my eyes to the things can fill my heart...and my mind...and my soul.

A Loss of Heart

It was to the most religious people of his time that Jesus spoke his strongest warnings about a loss of heart.

It is tragic for any person to lose touch with the life of their heart but especially so for those of us who once heard the call in our heart and recognized it as the voice of Jesus of Nazareth. We may remember him inviting us to a life of beauty, intimacy, and adventure that we thought was lost. For others of us, when he called, it felt for the first time in our lives as if our heart had finally found a home. We responded in faith, in hope, and in love and began the journey we call the Christian life. Each day seemed a new adventure as we rediscovered the world with God by our side.

But for many of us, the waves of first love ebbed away in the whirlwind of Christian service and activity, and we began to lose the Romance. Our faith began to feel more like a series of problems that needed to be solved or principles that had to be mastered before we could finally enter into the abundant life promised us by Christ. We moved our spiritual life into the outer world of activity, and internally we drifted. We sensed that something was wrong, and we perhaps tried to fix it-by tinkering with our outer life. We tried the latest spiritual fad, or a new church, or simply redoubled our commitment to make faith work. Still, we found ourselves weary, jaded, or simply bored. Others of us immersed ourselves in busyness without really asking where all the activity was headed. At one point in my own spiritual pilgrimage, I stopped to ask myself this question: "What is it that I am supposed to be doing to live the spiritual life in any way that is both truthful and passionately alive?"

Grace and peace to you.

Peace 3

And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying: ²³ “Speak to Aaron and his sons, saying, ‘This is the way you shall bless the children of Israel. Say to them:

“The LORD bless you and keep you;

 The LORD make His face shine upon you,
      And be gracious to you;

 The LORD lift up His countenance upon you,
      And give you peace.”’
“So they shall put My name on the children of Israel, and I will bless them.”

Numbers 6:22-27 (NKJV)

From these verses comes the "other" ACU school song, one sung after so many events and a song that always reminds me of an ACU event.  It's a song we talked about in the closing ceremony of my Residency Session week at ACU last week.  The idea of the Lord's face shining upon us and giving us peace.  I look forward to that day when I see the Lord's face shining upon me, me in his presence, and I imagine the peace I will feel at that moment.  

In the meantime, I want to seek out ways to find that peace in the here and now and to help others who are in the storms of life find that peace.  

Grace and peace to you.

The Cowboys Sweatshop

ESPN came out with a news story and Channel 8's Dale Hansen jumped on the bandwagon about the Dallas Cowboys' using a soft goods manufacturing facility in Cambodia that runs a sweatshop.  What a load of manure these news outlets and reporters are trying to dump on their viewers.  

Do not misunderstand what I'm saying.  I do not dispute the fact that all people should be able to work in good conditions and make a fair wage.  I do not dispute that and hope everywhere there are less than suitable working conditions, changes will be made.

Here's a suggestion of where to start.  Dale, you and ESPN need to quit reporting anything about the Cowboys until they make changes in who they use for manufacturing their product.  Can you imagine how interest in the Cowboys and their merchandise would drop if the biggest news channel in the Cowboys' market and the biggest news channel in all the sporting world just quit talking about the Cowboys?  

I'm sure the argument is that they are just reporting the truth.  Well, do more!  You asked the Cowboys' representative what he was going to do.  Tell me what you are going to do Dale.  Channel 8.  ESPN.  Why not lead instead of throwing up your "reporter" excuse.  Why don't you show us what courage is?

I'm already doing my part.  I don't own nor do I plan to own any Dallas Cowboys' merchandise.  Hopefully, none of my other clothes are made in sweatshops but I honestly don't know.  In the meantime, I support those who are trying to make changes and I would chastise those who just talk about it and don't do anything to make a difference.

Grace and peace to you.