Off and Gone...

I'm leaving tonight for a whirlwind fishing trip. I'm way too busy to go but I'm going anyway. I knew I had a lot to do but somehow preparing to leave has made me keenly aware of all I need to be working on. I won't be blogging for the next few days but hopefully can post a great picture next week of me with a really, really big redfish.
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A friend made the comment to me the other day saying "religious people scare me." I haven't gotten that out of my head because I wasn't sure I understood what he meant but the more I think about it, the more I think I understand. My friend is a broken person, broken by addictions and pain that I don't know. He's been preached at and told what he needs to do but he's in a place where he needs love through actions right now. He's still hurting as he recovers, hurting because the Devil won a battle with him, hurting because he hurt people along the way, hurting because he failed God. His battle back is learning that God still loves him, still cares for him and has shed grace over him. My friend loves God but is at a point where he needs people who are real, who are open that they are just as fallible, that they struggle with the same struggles.

I think I scare him. I go through life sometimes like I've got it all together. I handle missions work, I handle work work, I somehow get stuff done but inside I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I think at times I look like one of those religious people that scare him. Yet I'm no different than my friend. I've lost battles to Satan, I've failed God and I've failed people I love. I've hurt them and I live with the pain of that hurt. The only thing, the one thing that can keep me going is knowing that God loves me. There's no doctrine, there's no right way or wrong way to do church, there's no work I can do that helps me...only God's love pulls me out of the sinking sand.

I don't want to be a religious person. Instead, I want to be a Christ-person. I want to live in Christ-likeness. I want to be the hands and feet of my Savior. I pray God will show me the way.