Relationships and conflict.
Do you know many relationships that don't suffer conflict at some point. Best friends in school get mad at each other for the craziest reasons. Brothers and sisters fight over the littlest things. Co-workers battle over turf. Parents and children argue over problems, big and small. Husbands and wives fight. Relationships come with conflicts and as much as I don't want conflict, it seems to often follow - personal relationships, business relationships, all relationships. Conflict is all around me at work, at home, at church.
I hear it said that God made us for relationships and yet so many relationships are full of conflict, some experience it less often, others more often. I wonder why. OK, maybe I have a good idea why but it doesn't make me feel better about it, doesn't make me walk away whistling Blue Skies and Rainbows.
Historically, I haven't dealt well with personal conflict. I avoid it. I deny it. I mask it. And, my way of dealing with conflict has likely cost me a great price in emotional, spiritual and physical health and peace. I hope to learn to do conflict better one day because today, today I am just worn out from it, completely drained and emotionally bankrupt. I often hear Rodney King in my head, "can't we just all get along?" and wonder the same thing.
One day I hope I manage conflict better. I believe God is leading me to help others with conflict and to prepare myself professionally and personally to be active in reducing and eliminating conflict. I pray that the obstacles to accomplish this are removed and I believe they will be if this is what God is calling me to do. I'm hopeful for what the future holds.
Have you done anything to help reduce or eliminate conflict in your life?
Grace and peace to you.
4 comments:
The definition for conflict I use with my students is "a disagreement wherein the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests, or concerns". I think the word perceive is huge. Too often in my life I have confused a misunderstanding with conflict. My perception was wrong. The other part of this definition I like is the correlation with needs, interests, and concerns. I agree with you that conflict is part of life, part of relationships. But if you truly trust that the other party has your needs, interests, and concerns on their heart, you can grow through conflict. More importantly, if you truly trust that the other party has God's needs, interests, and concerns on their heart, you WANT to grow through conflict.
This was a great post.
My impression is that we often perceive a "threat to our needs, interests, concerns" due to selfishness. My needs are being threatened. My, me, I. Jesus' ministry was about restoration. When I put others needs, concerns and interest before my own, the conflict often seems silly. Great thoughts Jeff.
I like Kristen's definition. Age (I hope that means maturity) has taught me that so many things that have drawn me into conflict are not worth "conflicting" over. I'm learning to choose my battles more wisely. What is really worth shedding blood over?
I've sat here for a few minutes trying to think about what I've done to reduce or eliminate conflict...
I think, for me, my greatest conflicts occur in my own mind and I sometimes transfer the conflict to my relationships with others. Not good. Often, the conflicts in my mind aren't even realistic...or they're out of my control.
Then there are times I just ignore the conflicts around me. I don't know if this is good or bad.
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