Running Late

Better late than never?  Not always.


I had this question posed to me the other day.  "Do we have to have a Damascus Road experience to really learn about forgiveness?"  I don't know but the people who I trust to have the best understanding of forgiveness have all traveled that road.  It worked out pretty well for Paul and I have found it to be most effective in my life.


There's much more to be said about that but I've only had a quarter cup of coffee this morning.


One of the renewing parts of suffering is when I see God at work allowing me to help someone else who is suffering, it brings an inner peace that a) helps my healing process and b) shows me that I'm on a journey where God wants to use me.  One of my prayers has been that God wouldn't let me suffer without using what I have learned to help someone else.  Prayer is being answered.  Glory to God.


Grace and peace to you.

Escape

The way to render a man happy, is to engage him with an object that will make him forget his private troubles. - Pascal


This blog is similar to others I have written but remains something I'm still wrestling with.  I know I'm one of many who is dealing with some pain, some trouble, some obstacle that is mentally, emotionally and spiritually draining.  I, like others, have used different objects to help me forget my pain, my troubles as does the world.  I know the easy targets are alcohol, drugs and sex but there are others, things we get involved in to keep us busy and to take our mind off our pain; reading, movies, cooking, restoration projects, work and, yes, even church activities.  I, like so many, grew up hearing the adage "idol hands are the devil's workshop."  Well, I think busy hands are used by the devil just as much so that our heart and mind are to engaged to focus on God.


My struggle today is hearing God because I am spending so much time filling my days and nights with something to do so my pain is numbed and I don't have to face it.  I've got something going on all the time and even as I struggle sleeping, I just find more to do to fill the time so I don't just stop and take time to let God heal me and take away the pain, the burden I am choosing to carry.

Psalm 37:7
Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 46:10
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Not, "get busy" or "work your fingers to the bone" but BE STILL.

Exodus 14:14
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

God then goes on to tell Moses to tell the Israelites to move on.  Move on.

What does it take to move on from our pain?  Does it take replacing it with something that will make us happy?  What if what God told Moses applies to me?  Be still, let it go, let God fight the fight...and move on.

Moving on from my pain isn't easy.  It's mine to hold on to.  It's mine to wrestle with, to hold up as my barrier to peace, it's what I know.  I don't know what happens when I move on, when I let it go, when I let God take on the battle and I resign from it.  I don't know what might happen and there is some fear there because now, I can wallow in something I know even though it hurts.  It's time to move on and I'm working on it - because I want to know His peace in all areas of my life.

Grace and peace to you.

Angelic

I hope the video link doesn't get zapped.  It's Jackie Evanko signing on America's Got Talent and she has the voice of an angel as best I can tell.  I listened to her sing and watched her composure and thought, "maybe God is giving me a glimpse."  She's 10 years old, looks so innocent and sweet and sings unlike anything I've heard.  I would buy a CD full of songs I cannot understand to hear her voice and were I to vote, she would get them all for me.



I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Grace and peace to you.

Another Day, Another Dollar

Today's title has nothing to do with the content of the post.  That's just the kind of day it will be.

I can talk Rangers again.  A 3-game sweep of the hated Yankees.  Let's go Rangers!  Cliff Lee throwing like Cliff Lee again.  Now if they can just figure out a way to wrap up games in 2 1/2 hours instead of 5. 

I got to spend part of Saturday and Sunday with my college roommate.  We were laughing about our conversations when we were 20 about what we would be visiting about when we were 40 and it's worse than we thought.  Ha.  Comparing injuries, illnesses, eyesight and kids...and sharing memories of the simpler days with a couple of other friends from college.  Other than the lack of sleep from talking, it was a great, great weekend.

Tomorrow I get to spend time with one of my very best friends growing up in Tyler.  I am excited for that time to get here too. 

I was listening in on a discussion between teenagers about the movie "To Save a Life" last night and, once again, blown away by their observations.  I think the hearts of today's teens are much more open to truly helping people than when I was a kid.  Maybe it's simply the observations from the jaded eyes of a 45 year old but these kids seem more in tune with acting in more loving and kinder ways. 

Ephesians 2:10 is on my heart of late.

Grace and peace to you.

3...2...1...0!

What if today was your last day? 
Would you want to get square with the person who hurt you or just let it go?
Would you want to count your net worth or give it all away?
Would you want to catch your favorite TV show or share your hope with someone?
Would you want to surf the 'net or share a meal with your friends?
Would you want to swap gossip or share your hopes and love for those around you?
Would you wish you would have spent more time doing a million different things or more time trying to hear God's will for the days you lived?

What if today was your last day?
Would you be preparing your defense to give before God or preparing your thanks for all that He gave you?
Would you be explaining why you didn't seek to save the lost, why you didn't go where Christ went, why you didn't associate with the people Jesus tried to reach or preparing to share stories about the incredible opportunities He put before you?
Would you be thinking about how your did church at the building or how you took apart of church (his body) into the world?

What if today was your last day?

If today were my last day, I would be a bit confused because there are things I'm having trouble letting go of that I need to let go of.  There is pain, resentment, desires - there are things I am being challenged with that I'm having trouble letting go of and it's not the way I want to go meet my Creator and Savior.  There are things I need to work on, to pray about and to accept God's love and grace so that I may share what He gives in abundance.

What if today was your last day?

Grace and peace to you.

Another Rambling Day

I spent the weekend with my kids and had a fantastic time.  Being away from them is the hardest thing I've ever known.  Being with them is an incredible joy.  One of the new, fun things of life is being chauffeured by my daughter.  I always imagined having my kids driving would be similar to electro-shock therapy to the nerves but I am completely comfortable with my eldest at the wheel.

I hear Steven Hawking has come out with a new book disproving God had anything to do with the creation of the world.  I may have to read it just to understand this man but I certainly think he needs my/our prayers.  I firmly believe God created the world which means I firmly believe in the existence of God.  Maybe, when I die, I'll find out I was wrong in my beliefs and that I'm just dead.  If that's the case, how much better is that than figuring out the God Hawking doesn't appear to believe in is waiting to visit with him?  I hope Mr. Hawking will have a change of heart.

I think I would like the news better if it only talked about all the bad stuff and didn't do a weather report.  At least I know all the bad stuff is true.  Just one more reason I seldom watch the news anymore.

I really don't want to talk Rangers today.  How about Boise State?  I'm a fan.  It was good to see Texas beat Rice.  I was worried about that one.  Ha.  Yea for TCU.  I hope they have another undefeated season and make the BCS folks squirm. 

I really missed being at my church on Sunday.  I'm blessed with an incredibly loving family there and miss them when I'm not there.  It is a church that is developing day-by-day, more-and-more, into the body Christ intended.  I believe that because not being there feels like part of my body is missing, something that I rely on is not there to rely on. 

Grace and peace to you.

Upside Down Cake

Hatred does not cease by hatred, only by love. - attributed to Buddha

Love someone unlovable this weekend.  Pray for those who persecute you this weekend.  Do something kind for someone who has hurt you this weekend.

Then do it the next week.  And the next.  And the next.  And so on...

If I want peace, how much will I give to attain it?


Grace and peace to you.

More Chan Man

We started talking about ideas offered in the book Crazy Love by Frances Chan in class last night.  Thinking about it has re-energized my mind and heart for how I want to serve God and live in His will for me.  In the video clip we watched tonight, Chan talked about our prayer life and how we approach God - whether it be routine or whether we are blown away each time we come in the presence of God to talk to Him.  He related how, after reading Revelations 4, it stopped him and humbled him before talking to God and got him thinking, "when I come into the presence of God, what will be the first thing I want to say?"  Think about it.  We sometimes talk about the questions we want to ask but what will really happen when we approach the presence of God, the Creator of the world, the Author of life, the Healer, the Savior.


If you haven't read Crazy Love I can only ask why.  It will challenge the strongest Christian to draw nearer to God, to reassess their life and the path they are walking. 


Grace and peace to you.

Jackie Evancho, 10 (Opera Singer) on America's Got Talent YouTube Special

Check this young lady out. I've caught bits and pieces of America's Got Talent this year and watched the last 30 minutes Tuesday night and got to experience this 10 year old girl. Simply amazing.

Neither Here Nor There

What's up with the Rangers?


My mind is fragmented again, hence few new posts. 


The following video doesn't make George Bush a better President or a great man or cause me to want to say bad things about the current President.  I think it's just a representation of a kind heart and pretty dang cool.





Grace and peace to you.

Passion

I'm off to a late start this morning so a brief thought about something I saw last night. 


Lou Pinella has retired from baseball early to spend time with his ailing mother.  I suppose the Cubs not going anywhere in the postseason makes it easier to retire now but what struck me last night was this big, loud, demonstrative man when mad was weeping while speaking about it being the last time he would wear a uniform.  Weeping.  His passion for what he does and has spent a lifetime involved with was obvious.


I remember Paul Faulkner reading the account of Jesus' death in my freshman Bible class and weeping.


I heard someone recount visiting a cave in the Holy Lands and their guide telling them it may very well be the cave where Jesus was praying before his captivity while sweating drops of blood and the man weeping while trying to recount the story.


Passion. 


Passion for Christ is something that has been building in my life for a while now.  I admit that reading the account of Christ's death or the account of his heavy prayer didn't hit me hard enough to bring me to tears at one time and today there are some songs we sing in worship that I almost can't get through, readings in the Bible that leave wet pages in my Bible and time spent thinking about my God that cannot end without tears.  Tears of grief for what had to be given for me, tears of joy for who I am as a son of God, tears of thanksgiving for the reward that awaits me because God is a loving God. 


I hope my passion for Christ will continue to grow by leaps and bounds, day after day.


Grace and peace to you.

The Spiritual Realm

I am still rolling around the idea of how the spiritual realm responds to my daily decisions that my friend shared with me.  I don't understand what all is involved with the spiritual realm completely but I do get the idea that good and evil are fighting for my soul and that they are all watching me (and you) to see what decisions I will make (and you will make) and one group or the other is celebrating the little victories.  Wow, how I hate to think I have disappointed the heavenly hosts of angels, as I have too many times.  But, WOW, how I love to think about what the good guys are doing when I choose to follow God's will, when I choose to walk in the footsteps of Christ. 

All this has added a potential new chapter to my book-in-process idea about how we think about "our" reputations.  Most of us in my generation and older have certainly heard that our name is important, meaning the way people see us is something we should be highly concerned with.  I think the danger with that thinking is that it can cause some to take pride in their name and what they are doing and pride can lead to some sinful decisions.  I think the other danger is that we forget which name we carry that is the important one.  My family name is known by many but doesn't lead to eternal joy.  The name Christian is the name I want to take stock in, the name that I want to glorify.  I have heard Proverbs 22:1 pointed out as the source for why so many hold their name, their reputation, their good deeds, in high esteem.  On the other hand, I seldom hear reference to Proverbs 21:24. 

I must be careful what I hold up as important.  For me, concern with my family name leads to pride that leads to doing un-Christlike things to try and protect my name when what I really need to do is be honest about my temptations, my thoughts, my sins and my victories.  I have control over all of them but to stop and think who is celebrating with me when I give in to temptation and sin as opposed to who celebrates with me when I follow the path to victory is much more awe-inspiring than to think about who thinks I am a good person.  If I spend my days celebrating with God because I am living in accordance with His will, my name is the last thing I will need to worry about.

Grace and peace to you.

The Evil Men (and Women) Do

I removed the gadget on my blog that shows my followers because a naked lady appeared in one.  I don't know how long she was there because I seldom look at it but I do appreciate the reader who told me about (thanks MY!).

It's sad that something I started to be helpful to me can be turned around and used for evil.  The Internet is full of pictures, videos, stories and many other things that are used to draw people in to Satan's trap.  How I know it all too well.  It's bad enough that people start their own porn sites but when they start abusing the space of others who want nothing to do with their mess, it becomes more frustrating.

I had a great lunch today with a new friend and we discussed what must happen to Satan and his forces when people praise the name of God in the midst of their sufferings, how they must be confused and maddened at the same time.  My friend went on to say that he also thinks about the heavenly hosts, that they likely stand and salute the one who is praising God's name in their suffering, how they must shout cheers of victory.  When I think about it like that, it makes me want to strive even harder to glorify the name of God in the midst of evil, in the midst of suffering, in the midst of the things that are being done to tear me down.

God, I praise you in this space.  I praise you before the people who read this.  I praise you before the ones who would try to infest this space with evil.  I praise you before the one who wants to fill people with sadness, doubt and to steal their hope.  I praise you because you have prepared a banquet for me and for others who use this space and the words here to draw closer to you.  I praise you because you are alive in my mind and in my heart and give me words to put in blank places that might touch one heart you know that needs to hear it.  I praise you because you love me for all that I am - fallen, sinful, hurting.  I praise you because you have a vision of who I will be by following your desire for me - a light in the darkness, a hand to help someone up, a son of yours, a son of the great and almighty God.

Grace and peace to you.

Blah Blah Blah

Blogging has been hard for several weeks now and it's been difficult to write congruent thoughts without creating a book.  While writing has been an outlet for me, it is also a barometer of the stress and strain of what is going on in my life.  More so, it is a barometer of where I stand in my relationship with God because when I am trusting Him completely there is a peace around me that is certainly supernatural, but, when I am in the old mode of wanting what I want and struggling with emotions that are neither healthy nor productive, there is no peace and I am a tangled mass of confusing thoughts and feelings.  This isn't a good recipe for writing.

Moving on, last night I watched a study video from the Frances Chan book , Crazy Love and was again reminded of what this world might look like if we tried to live more like Jesus and less like Americanized Christians.  I will read this book again and hope that it is used to teach a class at our church one day.  All the while, I know there are many people who would fight against what it teaches because of the author's convictions.  One of his comments in the study video is something along the line of "have you ever looked around your church and wondered who might not get into heaven because they are lukewarm?"  That's a pretty strong thought but one I support because I feel I was one of those lukewarm Christians - ready to do whatever I needed to do in the church but doing little, if anything, outside the church where the lost are wandering around.  I assume the people in the church at Laodicea were all baptized believers and God was ready to spit them out of His mouth.  Woe be it to me if I find myself in that situation ever again.

I look to the day I climb out of this valley and hope and pray that I will be hot, that my words and my actions will be geared to glorifying God and shining a light on the path that is traveled by the lost so that they may also find their way home to the Father who is waiting to run and greet them, arms stretched open ready to wrap them up in His good and perfect love.

Grace and peace to you.

Followers

I continue to watch the analytics of this blog with part fascination, part curiousness about who and why people are following my site.  In the last 30 days I've had people come to this blog from the United Kingdom, Spain, Germany, India, Malaysia and couple of other far flung places and I've had people start following me that I don't know.  Some of the people stopping by have bad intentions wanting to get visitors to their sites that want money from you and I try to delete those as fast as I can.  When I started this blog, it was for me and I guess I never expected anyone else to read it.  Then a few people found out and Rick and Kyle even responded.  Now I've had 951 unique visitors in the past 30 days.  It adds a bit of fear to what I do because most of what I right is about me, emotions I'm not sure I want to share with people I don't know.  On the other hand, I wonder if it is an opportunity to reach out to people and let them know they are not alone in their struggles, in their failings, in their fears and in their victories.  I need to decide where I want to go with this I suppose.

That said, yesterday was a struggle for me but today I feel lifted up.  I feel like today is a better day because I have asked a few very, very close friends to pray for me and for some emotions I am battling.  I believe I am feeling better today because their prayers are at work on my behalf.  My point is this, if you don't have some close friends you can share everything with, you are in a tough situation.  To go a step further, I am convinced men need men in their lives they can tell their sins to, tell their temptations to, tell their darkest fears to who will love them unconditionally.  The tragedy is most men are afraid of that level of intimacy but I am here to tell you that once you make that step, your life will make a turn for the better.  Granted, it has to be someone you can trust and someone who isn't going to gossip about what they've heard but once you find that person or group of people, more peace will enter your life than you think possible.  I assume women need that same type of connection and I think it might be easier for them but I don't know. Being a man, it's just easier for me to speak about men.  :)

I know this.  I have walked through some dark, dark days and I can't imagine how I would have come through it without some very good friends who let me cry, let me talk and cry some more, who listened without judgment or unsolicited opinion, who asked questions that made me search my heart and who have prayed prayer after prayer for me and my relationship with God and people.  I love them dearly and I thank God for bringing them into my life.

Grace and peace to you.

Storms and Rough Seas

Another day where I can't get my thoughts into words.  Too much hurt, too much confusion and not enough peace makes writing hard.  Today is just one of those days.

Let's talk Rangers.  They go 10 innings with the Yankees and a future Hall of Fame closer throwing and little-heralded David Murphy drives in the winning run.  Wow!  Cliff Lee is on the mound tonight.  While I wanted to watch one of my favorite shows tonight, as soon as I get home from church the Ranger game will be on and I'll have to try and catch a replay of the show.  I'll be at the game Friday night for the Red Sox.  I can't wait.

How about the airline attendant that opened the emergency chute and took off?  He's being considered a folk hero by some.  Craziness.

That's it.  I haven't watched the news this week and don't know what's going on elsewhere.  Oh yeah, Obama did make a stop in Texas.  I think I'm done with politics. 

If you read this and haven't read Crazy Love yet, go get it.  Everyone I know who has read it thinks it is a great read and very thought-provoking. 

That's all I've got today.

Grace and peace to you.

I Wish You Enough

My life changed dramatically 16 years ago today.  It's hard to believe it's been 16 years.  It seems it was just a week a few weeks ago this tiny baby grabbed hold of my finger and grabbed hold of my heart.  I haven't been the same since.  She has been a priceless treasure, a gift from the Creator that has blessed my life time and time again.  She has helped me understand unconditional love and how God feels about me.  16 years ago today, my life became better because my daughter was born.  Thank you God.

This is a story I heard in the past but recently read again in an email from a friend.  I think it strikes me more today than it did before.  Today, goodbyes are harder for me, crushing at times.  I find myself saying goodbye to very special people and it is a painful experience.  Reading this poem stirs many emotions, one being what do I leave with the people I tell goodbye.

The whole story can be read here:http://www.bobperks.com/wish.htm 

Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."

They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"

"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.

So I knew what this man experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.

"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he
were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much
bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."

I wish you enough.

Grace and peace to you. 

More Brain Tired Ramblings

I think I'm finally sleeping better but still not enough.


I'm tired of the Palin's being in the news.  Not a fan of mom or daughter getting much attention.


Cuban might buy the Rangers?  Tell me it isn't so.  I think he loves owning the team but he hasn't brought a championship to Dallas yet.  Let the baseball guys buy the baseball team.  Please.


I'm tired of LeBron and I hope Miami wins 1 game this year.  I enjoyed watching him play but doubt I will see any more of him than what is forced on me through ESPN highlights.  I like Jordan and Magic's thoughts.  Both said "I wanted to beat Bird/Jordan/Magic, not play with them."  That's a competitor spirit.


Electronics not working used to never bother me.  Now I just want to throw them out and get something else.  I've lost patience for these devices not working when they are all supposed to be better. 


I'm still thankful for good friends. 


I love the Psalms.  They are filled with heartfelt visits with God, many of the same heartfelt talks I have had with Him. 


Grace and peace to you.

It's Only Tuesday?

Last week I kept thinking it was later in the week than it was.  Today I find it hard to believe it's only Tuesday.  Go figure.


I heard a spot on the news this morning about the Muslim Center they are wanting to build near Ground Zero in New York.  Now, I must say some of the people opposing the center have gone over the imaginary line of good conduct but doesn't anyone in the Muslim community understand the sensitivity of this issue?  It seems if they were really wanting to promote peace, they would get out and do something positive for the New York community instead of building their own fun center/prayer mosque. 


I am very thankful for good friends.  It's hard to imagine where I would be right now without some people who are praying for me and willing to help me in different ways.


My daughter takes incredible pictures.  Photography isn't something she is aspiring to do as a profession but she has a great eye for a good picture.  I may steal one from her one day and post it here.


Kids are an incredible blessing.  I've got friends who are struggling today from the loss of a child and I am praying that God will give them healing and peace.  I don't get to be around my kids as much as I want to and it is not an easy thing to cope with emotionally.  I am thankful for every moment I have with them and pray each day that God will fill them up with all He knows they need to be strong in Him.


God is good.


Grace and peace to you.

See The Light

To see the light, I need to look for the light. 

In my darkest days, it is easy to leave my thoughts on the darkness that seems to overwhelm me.  It is easy to get caught up in questions and accusations and emotions.  I find myself questioning God and wondering why He isn't using His power the way I want Him to, asking if He has forgotten me, wondering what I've done that is so bad God won't reach down and help me.  Yet all I have to do is take my eyes off of myself for an instant and I see the light of God shining all around me.  It's there, I just have to be willing to open my eyes and look for it.  I see the brightness of God shining in the people who are praying for me and who are helping me in ways big and small.  I see it in the words of love spoken to me and in invitations to share a meal. 

I want my heart to be attuned to God.  I want it to be easy to see the light and have the darkness blocked from my sight.  I want to rejoice in the warmth of God's light, I want to worship in the warmth of God's light, I want to take each step and breathe each breath in the warmth of God's light.  It is there.  He is there.

Grace and peace to you.