Mental Health

In the book Managing Conflict Through Communication by Ruth Abigail and Dudley Cahn, the authors point out that forgiveness is good for mental health and failure to forgive can have long lasting negative effects on mental health.  That's no great surprise to me but a good reminder of how holding on to grudges and anger from hurts would only keep me captive to that person.  When I truly forgive them, let it go and move on, I am no longer captive to them because that event doesn't rule in my heart, my head and my life.  That's not to say I won't remember and it's not to say I want avoid having to deal with someone who has repeatedly or maliciously tried to hurt me but I won't let those past grievances control my heart and my mind and my health.

Forgiveness is powerful medicine.  The world would be a better place if more people took a big dose of it.

Grace and peace.

Even More Fruitcakes!

Yes, I'm back in Las Vegas and you see the craziest things.  Tonight it was a lady who was in trouble with MGM hotel security and it got a little wild with lots of hitting, cussing, screaming and handcuffs.  Then there are the drunks who are coming in when I'm headed out for a meeting at 6:45 in the morning.  Ouch.  Then there's all the money fed into slot machines, spent on blackjack, craps, roulette and a number of other games of chance and the alcohol...oh, how the alcohol flows.  It's a wild and bizarre place.

Las Vegas may or may not have anything to do with what's on my mind.  Forgiveness.  

My classes are getting better and better and I've read some things that really resonate with me in the past week.  I'll have more on those to post in the next few days but suffice it to say that I'm thinking about forgiveness all over again.  How, when, why?  Forgive others and forgive myself?  What does pure forgiveness look like?  All good questions and all with good answers.  

To make it easy for myself, I fall back to a question.  How do I want God to forgive me and what does that look like?  

Grace and peace.

Less Nuts, More Fruitcake

One of my goals of this blog is to get Rick Ross to respond which finally happened on Monday.  Woo-hoo!  If you haven't read Rick's response, you should because it says some things I meant to write on Tuesday but didn't get around to finishing.

I enjoy going to "church" now more than ever.  Yes, MORE than ever.

It's not because of the preacher (sorry, Rick).  It's not because of the song leaders or the songs or the classes or the prayers or anything else.  It's simply because I am with people who have held me up when I wasn't sure I could go on and we come together in the presence of God to worship.  It's because I am there with people who jumped down in a foxhole with me when the battle was raging and the enemy was winning.  

I used to feel bad because I would take my son to play baseball on some Sunday mornings.  In my old way of thinking, it was just bad.  Plain and simple.  Then, I felt like I started to rationalize not being at church with my analysis of what "forsaking the assembly" really meant.  Then I met another Jeff from another town who's son played baseball with my son.  Jeff thought it was funny when I told him I hated missing church for baseball.  He thought religion was a joke and the people who bought into it were part of the "suckers born everyday" group.  Over the next 14 weeks I was able to share some struggles I was having and how I knew God was working in those places.  I got to tell him about some people at church who meant the world to me, who I would run through walls for because their love for me was so great and that I believed God had led us all together because of our trials.  I don't think I changed Jeff's mind about religion but I believe I helped him see God differently and see church differently.  I never would have had those conversations sitting in church.

Choosing to go to church isn't an either/or proposition.  While I don't agree with telling people they need to be there instead of option A, B or C, I am fully in favor and personally look forward to the times of gathering with people who love God and love each other to worship, to love and to show adoration for the Lord of our lives and to journey with those around us during good times and bad times.  If I'm not going to be at church, I hope the Lord will give me an opportunity to glorify him wherever I am and when I am in church I hope he allows me to continue feeling the peace I experience there.

Grace and peace.

Marking Time

Today is a hard anniversary for very close friends.  Some of you may know the store of Rick and Beverly Ross and the tragic loss of their daughter, Jenny, a wife to David and mother to Malaya.  I hurt for them and my heart is heavy for them on this day.  

Why does God let these things happen?  It's a question I've asked about personal situations in the past because I believe God can do anything, but he doesn't always do the thing we want him to do.  Why do moms die leaving 3 children with a father who kills himself 4 months later?  Why do children die?  Why does an 11 year old have bone cancer?  Why do families fall apart?  These are questions I often ask wondering what God is doing.

Why did God give his own son to die for me?  It's another question I ask wondering what God was thinking.

I remind myself from time to time that God knows suffering.  He knows extreme, intense pain.  Why is that I'm expecting I won't have to face it or my friends won't have to face it when God made a choice that caused great suffering.  His son didn't simply die.  God allowed it to happen for a bigger purpose.  

Is my suffering going to be for a bigger purpose?  Will my friend's suffering be for a bigger purpose?  I don't know but I do know the pain doesn't go away.  In whole or in part, it will remain.

So the question becomes will we trust God when the world crumbles?  Will we hold onto our faith?  There were days I didn't know if I would or if I could but another question always lingered.  It's a question Rick Ross asked me when I felt my world was going completely dark.  Where else will you go?

So we mark time.  We mark the times of our suffering and the reminder that follow and we mark time until we leave this place of suffering and join the party to be united with God.  I will live out my days with joy for the blessings I experience, with pain for the wounds I've experienced and marking time while crying out, Lord, come quickly!

Grace and peace to you.

A Bit Nutty

A question came up in our Lifegroup yesterday and I answered it.  Careful what you ask.

The question was something like "what do we do as a church to reach the marginalized?"  Well, I have some thoughts...

First, we need to determine if "the church" really wants to reach the marginalized.  There's a lot of talk about being in church (meaning attending the Sunday and Wednesday gatherings) and it's something that I'm careful about agreeing with.  If the idea is to attend church because that's the place to be and the right thing to do, then I hesitate to join the bandwagon.  I grew up hearing I needed to be at church (meaning the building) whenever the doors opened but I didn't know God and didn't really know what living as a disciple meant.  I've come to believe that some churches mimic the Pharisees in their legalistic definition of what church attendance should be.  Remember, these are my opinions.  Anyway, I heard a lot about "do not forsake the assembly" (you can look it up) but it seems like the story about Jesus healing on the Sabbath is only used as fodder for talking about the Pharisees and seldom, if ever, used as an example of us getting out of the building and going to help the marginalized/lost/starving/homeless/naked/drug addicted/porn addicted/sex addicted/et.al.  I've taken the approach that it doesn't matter if I'm at a church service or not if my mind and actions are on serving God and exemplifying discipleship.  I can be at a baseball game, volleyball game, the lake, the mall, wherever and if showing true Christ-likeness is at the forefront of my thoughts and actions, I may be in a better place to reach the hurting than if I was occupying a cozy cushion in our comfy church building.  Some may ask why I think those places are better than church and I don't want to insinuate that's always the case but I can tell you I have had some positive discussions about Jesus at a baseball tournament on a Sunday to someone who was very skeptical of religion.  I don't know that I ever changed his mind but we talked about Christ much more than we would have had I been at church with other people who aren't on the margins.  Just a thought.

Second, what if the church gave everyone or every family walking in the building on Sunday morning $20-50 cash and said to "bless someone with it."  Now, if it's a family that is hurting financially, they can keep it.  If not, I wonder what putting cash in the hands of someone professing to be a Christ follower would cause them to do.  Would they go look for someone to help?  Their children do it when performing random acts of kindness and I bet the families would do it too...likely in creative ways.  If the church did this, it would be an institution truly calling it's members to action and I believe most of the members would respond favorably.  

So what does the church do to reach the marginalized.  Open their doors and challenge it's people to get outside, to find the people who are in the marginalized target market, and to do something for them.  

Just saying...

Grace and peace.

Glory to God

I'm not going to steal Rick Atchley's Twitter posts forever but here's another good one.  "I know I need to be Jesus to everyone, but first, I think I nee to see Jesus in everyone."

Last night I had the opportunity to speak to a group of men in Stephenville, Texas about my journey, about the darkest hours, the lowest of lows, about the brightest hopes and my walk to truly know God.  It was an incredible experience - not because I was asked to speak but because telling my story reminds me of where I've been, what I've seen and where I don't want to go again and because it gives God the opportunity to speak into people through me.  I know my story is meaningless without the work of God in my life and that's one thing I want people to know.  

Any talk about my life has a revolving theme.  One, that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against dark, evil, powerful forces that I cannot see.  Two, that I am a child of God made in His image.  I want to remember to see myself that way and see others that way - as children of my LORD.  

I'm thankful to my good friend Randy Daugherty for inviting me to speak and even more thankful to God for giving me the strength, courage and knowledge that He was working in me and through me.  

Grace and peace to you.

Smart

If you get a chance to see Flower Mound Marcus play basketball this year, jump on it.  Marcus Smart may be an NBA player one day.  

I'm borrowing another gem from Rick Atchley.

"Athletes deny themselves things that are not wrong but are not smart. So do disciples!"

Denying myself is hard.  There are things I enjoy, things that make me feel good, things that brighten my spirits, things...and I want them and, at times, get them when I can.  However, denying myself at times would make me a better person and certainly smarter for the endeavor.  

I want to be a disciple. I want to follow Christ and his example and the desires of God's heart for my life.

Grace and peace.

Noise

It's loud.  There are so many things vying for my attention, my mind, my heart.  I got this tweet from Rick Atchley the other day.  "If you want to hear God, you're going to have to turn down the ambient noise."

Grace and peace.

Get Outta Here...

Do you know Kylie Bisutti?  She's been a Victoria's Secret runway model and I must admit she can conjure up some thoughts strutting around in her lingerie.  I'm a Kylie fan but probably not for the reason you would first think.  I didn't say she "is" a VS model, I said she's "been" a VS model - past tense.  She gave up the gig she had dreamed of because she's been reading the Bible and was convicted she needs to save her body for her husband (I imagine there are Christian single men sending her their information right now) that she hopes to have one day.  

Restoration.  Renewal.  Kylie is finding it through her study of God's word.  It's amazing what the Spirit will do within us when we get into God's word.  We can read Lucado and Yancey and Chan, we can listen to Andy Stanley, John Piper or Joel Osteen (I'm throwing that one in for a good buddy of mine) but none of those can do what actually reading the Bible and letting the Spirit work on heart and mind can do to us.  

I'm a Kylie Bisutti fan and hope she will maintain her desire to serve God and openly share her faith.  It's something I can learn from.

Grace and peace.

More R & R

First, let me say that I have written two good blogs that come up as gobbley-goop and it's making me want to get the baseball bat out.  One of them was what I thought to be the best post I'd ever written and how I wish I could remember how I said what I said.  Oh well...back to mediocrity...

I'm stealing a tweet from Josh Ross to use as the basis of my post.  "Words like restore, redeem, reconcile and renew indicate a prior condition that was good.  We were created in God's image."

I'm using that in a lesson I'm teaching in June because the idea of being created in God's image has been something I have learned to grow on over the past few years.  I bring Genesis 1:27 up in many, many conversations with people because they, like me, have this feeling we can not do enough, be good enough, not whatever enough and I never thought of myself as being made in God's image.  

I have heard so many conversations about self-esteem, self-image, self, self, self that I think I became conditioned to always look at myself the way others saw me.  Now, I just want to point others to God when my appearance (in whatever fashion) comes into the conversation.  When I'm living right and doing things to help people, I want to point to God and give him glory as my Creator.  When I'm living wrong and doing things that hurt my relationship with God, I want to point to God and give him the the glory as my Redeemer and Savior.  I don't want people to see Jeff, to see my image, to see my self-esteem, to see my brilliance and greatness (quit laughing at that last part), I want them see a reflection of God and nothing more.

Grace and peace to you.

R & R

Peacemaking includes many facets.  A couple of those are restoration and reconciliation (R&R) and it's something that, without God's grace, most of us would not know.  Without R&R, there's no peace.  

I have only found peace learning to live in contentment with whatever my situation is but without restoration and reconciliation, peace is only partial at best.  I have lived for years without peace in my life because of conflict with God, conflict with people I have loved and conflict within me.  I trust that God has forgiven me and I am finally learning to live at peace with him.  I'm not there yet and that's because I still have trouble forgiving myself and without being able to fully reach reconciliation with myself, it's still difficult to have full peace with God when I'm not at complete peace with myself.  Finally, there are people close to me that I have been restored and reconciled to and live at total peace with them and others that it is still in process and there is no peace yet.  

This is something that Josh Hamilton is dealing with right now.  He's a public example of what I often deal with - battling demons that call me to do things I shouldn't do.  I'm guessing Hamilton's failing jeopardizes his family relationship and certainly jeopardizes his work relationship (very secondary in this situation but more public).  His openness and honest way of addressing the problem has certainly made R&R appear more realistic in all his relationships and I hope it works out that he will be able to again know peace because of the grace of those around him.

I want to know peace.  I want to help others find peace.  It can happen but there has to be restoration and reconciliation to make it so.  That takes admitting fault and seeking forgiveness.  It also requires forgiveness and grace by others with God as the model for what true forgiveness looks like.  I hope I will be forgiven and I hope I will forgive liberally as God has forgiven me.  It doesn't mean there will never be consequences to actions, it doesn't mean that my way (or another person's way) is always the right answer but peace can be found in all situations with people who put R&R above themselves.

Grace and peace to you.

Peacemakers

I want to be a peacemaker.  

I have lived much of my life in conflict.  Conflict with God and his desire for me, conflict within myself and who I wanted to be and conflict with others who were/are close to me.  It's hard to live in conflict as long as I did and even made harder by my inability to deal with conflict.  

When I started the program I'm working through now learning to be a peacemaker, I had to take a test to determine my conflict style.  The choices are: collaboration (win-win), accommodation (you win-I lose), compromise (lose-lose), competition (I win-you lose) and avoidance (nothing to win or lose).  I rated highest in avoidance and second highest in accommodation.  If I couldn't avoid it at all costs, I would rather give in and let someone else get their way.  I have bad conflict resolution skills and it's something I want to change for myself and certainly to help other people.  

I often wish I had known better a long time ago.  I think I would have been a better person, a better father, a better husband, a better employee, a better friend.  It's hard sometimes wishing I could rewrite history but that isn't going to happen so I press on, looking to the future, working to overcome my weaknesses and shortcomings, hoping the Lord will use me to bring peace to others so that conflict doesn't tear them down, rip them apart and throw them aside.  

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called children of God. - Matthew 5:9

Lord, make me a peacemaker and use me in your kingdom so that others will know the peace that only comes from you.

Grace and peace to you.

Able

One of my lifelong struggles is thinking I could handle things on my own.  I found out the hard way I couldn't but the idea still tries to creep back into my head every now and then.  This is another song that I have loved listening to that helps me remember I need God in my life and in my decisions.

Grace and peace to you.