How Close Is Close Enough?

As I listened to people talk last night in our class, a recurring theme continually resonated in my head. When will I ever be close enough to God?

As we talk about church growth and the methodologies to make it happen, I often realize my own experience has been "in doing church" instead of really knowing God. For too much of my life, I've ventured into an intellectual relationship with God knowing what I should do but not having the emotional and spiritual relationship that makes me want to do His will. I've grown in knowledge but not spiritually. I've been regular in attendance but not an emulator of Christ in all that I do. I look around and I'm afraid I see people like me, people comfortable going to church but uncomfortable living Christ-like. I find people unloveable when I should be loving all people, I see people as high-maintenance when I should be full of compassion, I see people who can fend for themselves when I should be driven to serve them.

Why do I worry about what church uses an instrument or what church uses women in different ways or what church does this or that when I'm not worried that the people I come in contact with everyday don't see Jesus living in me? I don't have a problem debating some of the things we do or see in churches today but is Christ better served in my debate or in my desire to show the lost of the majesty and glory of being a child of God?

I pray that my focus forevermore will remain on Christ, that I will strive to know His will and be His servant.