The last few years have brought me a deeper understanding of mercy and forgiveness and I feel like I have a grasp and appreciation of it that is changing my life. I know many people wrestle with forgiveness. Through Bible classes, conversations and my children, I have experienced how hard it can be to forgive and be forgiven. It struck me last night as one of my own was being reprimanded, then forgiven and said "I don't deserve to be forgiven." Oh, how I know that feeling. The pain we cause others is so often a pain that never goes away. It's intensity may lessen over time but I don't know that it ever goes away and there are times when we cause that pain, we do not feel like we can be forgiven, that we do not deserve forgiveness. Therein lies the beauty of forgiveness. We don't deserve it but it is a gift we are given and, that we give. It is a gift of the highest magnitude. It is a gift more valuable than all man's riches.

When I am wronged and when I do wrong, I can only grasp forgiveness by looking at God. My gracious Father, He forgives me and He wipes away my sin. Even after giving His son on the cross, he still forgives me. How can I not gladly give what He so lovingly give me time and time again? I have learned that I cannot forgive adequately without approaching forgiveness through God and then, and only then, can my heart open up to forgive or to receive forgiveness. What an amazing gift I have received. What an awesome gift to give.

A question I heard recently was "how do we forgive those who don't seek forgiveness?" For me, all I can do is look at God who sees us when we sin and I believe hopes to see us change, hopes to see us seek His forgiveness. I think I have to have that same hope for those who have wronged me but don't seek my forgiveness. God gives us the gift of hope, the gift of openness to return to Him if we will.

I certainly don't know all the answers. I'm no scholar who can point to one thing or another to make my case. Yet I am a sinner and a child of God. I fall for the traps of the devil but have come to know I can seek my God and his forgiveness and comfort. I know that even when I don't deserve forgiveness, He willingly, openly, lovingly gives it. He gave His son and He still gives me forgiveness. It's a gift I cannot fully grasp but one I will not turn loose of. His gift is beautiful and awesome and peaceful.