This Is It.

I've talked about it.  I've thought about it.  I've tried to do it on purpose.  I've done it on accident.

I'm announcing my blogging retirement.  It's been a fun ride.  It's been therapy.  It's been eye-opening, hope-filled, full on inner peace at times.  It's been heart-breaking, gut wrenching, painfully thought provoking at times.  

I am full up right now.  Work, school, kids, church, hopes, dreams, ideas...they are taking the time I used to contemplate and write.  The well is dry.  I have nothing else to say.  

I'm retiring with Brett Favre on my mind.  No, not the stupid pictures he was texting.  I meant the un-retirements.  I reserve the right to come back and to post sporadically (or spasmodically) when the spirit moves me.  That means I'll lose some readers.  I love you but the truth is I never wrote for you.  This has been a work of the soul.  It has been me throwing up some ugly and writing a portrait of the pretty.  I hope I can find a way to pull off the posts and archive them locally.  My mom says I should write a book.  Others said I was addressing the same issues they faced.  Who knows, but in the long run I want to be able to read back through the posts and see where I've been...and hopefully how far I have gone.  

This was written through some of the darkest days of my life and some of the brightest.  It's been honest without dragging any innocent bystanders into the fray.  For anyone who has read it, I hope it has led you closer to God in all things (and closer to the Rangers in the sports domain).  

God is sovereign.  He is mighty and powerful and awesome (if you knew me in high school, that would be 2 AWSUM).  I hope all who read this will learn to love him as he loves you.

Adios.  Ciao.

May the mercy and grace and love and peace of God rain down on me and on you.

I'm Mad Too, Eddie!

I don't remember the whole story behind the line, "I'm mad too Eddie!" but if memory serves me it had something to do with former Rangers owner, Eddie Chiles.  However, that's not part of my story today.  

There are days I want to be mad.  Mad at me, mad at you, mad at the dog, mad at the clutter in my life, mad at the cars on the road, mad at the people at work, mad at the dirt on the ground, mad at the chair.  Just overall being mad.  When I get this way, it's usually because of one little thing that's going wrong in my little world and it sets me off and the things I get mad at aren't the things that are causing the real problem inside of me.  I know people who live their lives this way and when I see it in others, I don't like it but when I do it, I don't like it even more.  Usually, that's because I've done something stupid while mad that bothers me even longer.  

Then, at some point, God intervenes and reminds me just how silly I have become.  This morning, it was a video clip of an old friend's son who is learning to walk again in a swimming pool after being paralyzed in a skiing accident.  WOW!  Does it mean I'm wrong for being upset by something that is upsetting?  No, not in the least.  However, it does remind me once again that if I just open my eyes I can see many, many people living around me who have circumstances that appear far worse than mine.  

I want God to keep my eyes open to what is really happening around me and that I will keep life and it's troubles in perspective.  There is a bigger battle raging than just the annoyances I run into at times.  

Grace and peace.

PS.  9 more sleeps until Opening Day!

Legalism

Edited post:  There are things I say at the moment I feel strongly about that upon a night's sleep, even a short one, and a re-read I think it's something I said that didn't need to be said.

Yesterday, I was moved to speak to someone with whom I disagree on some points of scripture.  I won't say it was a great conversation because the point of the talk, letting them know I and others had been hurt by what was said initially, got drowned out in more of what had been originally said.  I guess I'll say there was more talking than listening.  I don't expect everyone to agree with me so I leave the conversation thankful I brought it up, thankful that it will bring peace to put it out there and thankful that confessing my hurt that I was holding will lead to healing from that hurt and moving forward.

There are things I don't always enjoy doing but that can be beneficial.  Yesterday was one of those days.

Grace and peace to you.

Uh-Oh

I warn you to click to another site now.  

It's late Thursday night and I haven't slept well in weeks which only leads my warped mind to warp a little more and I come up with questions in my head that are perverse, bizarre, scary, darkly humorous and a few other things that make me wonder about myself as much or more than anyone else wonder's about the status of my brain synapses or whether there are brain synapses and I also write in run-on sentences when I get really tired.  

Here's the question...

I wonder if cat deaths have increased with the advent of the remote start feature on cars?  

Crazy, I know, but I hear about cats curling up on engines and sometimes not escaping even with opening and closing doors.  Now, people can start their cars without being in them so how do the cats know it's time to split?  

Yes, I need sleep.  

I'm out.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33

I want peace but usually find I am troubled.

Some people say I have trouble saying "no" (Hi mom!).  I suppose I do at times.  A friend texted me today to see if I could handle something for him at church this weekend because he has to be out of town.  Of course I said yes.  

I was talking to someone the other night and asked the question I often ask myself, "so what do I cut out?"  All the things I do are important to me so cutting something out means I don't do something that is important, or at least worthy, in my own mind.  However, these choices do bring trouble.  Lack of sleep.  Periods of mental fuzziness.  Stress.  Tension.  

Eventually, my body will crash and sleep will be a necessity.  Eventually my mind will clear up.  Eventually the stress and tension and grumpiness will pass and I'll be left remembering the choices I made to do the things I thought were worthy.  I hope in that time I will find peace.  

In this world I will have trouble.  Trouble with my decisions.  Trouble with other people's decisions.  Trouble with temptation and dark forces.  Lots of trouble.  That's what the world brings but Christ has overcome the world.  I will get through the good and the bad of this life but I continue to yearn for what lies ahead, for the ultimate peace the Christ has planned for me.

Grace and peace.

Father God

Father God, just for today

Help me walk your narrow way, 

Let me stand where I might fall,

Give me the strength to hear your call.

Let my steps be worship, 

let my thoughts be praise,

may my words bring honor to your name.

Grace and peace to you.

The River

I love fishing and especially love fishing the rivers of Colorado.  Last Monday, I was entrenched in the Arkansas River (when I wasn't untangling wind knots) working hard to ensnare a beautiful rainbow trout on the end of a small fly line.  I snagged one who jumped out of the water, spit the fly out, stuck his tongue out at me and chanted "nana-nana-boo" as he headed back into the water and swam away.  

I love fishing because it's fun to catch one on a little fly rod but, even more, I get to see the beauty of what God has created all around me.  The wind may be blowing too hard, the fish may spook too fast and the day may be one without netting a fish, but it's still a day in God's creation, up close and personal, and it's a day worthy of worship.  

Grace and peace.